#920 - Dr John Delony - Why Do We Date People That Need Fixing?

591 snips

Mar 27, 2025

Join John Delony, a mental health expert, author, and dynamic speaker, as he delves into the complexities of relationships. Discover why many feel compelled to 'fix' their partners and the challenges of walking away from unfulfilling connections. He offers insights into self-worth, emotional presence, and practical advice for navigating breakups. Delony emphasizes the importance of self-love for healthier relationships and explores how childhood experiences shape our romantic dynamics. Tune in for a mix of wisdom and engaging anecdotes!

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00:00 / 00:00

Supporting Grieving Friends

Support grieving friends through presence, not just words.
Bring food, offer company, and avoid excessive advice-giving.

00:00 / 00:00

Burden of Support

Many people diagnosed with cancer or who experience loss focus on others' well-being.
They prioritize supporting others over addressing their own grief.

00:00 / 00:00

Prioritizing Work

John Delony shares an anecdote about his wife's reaction to his workaholic tendencies.
She confronted him, saying she was watching him prioritize work over his health.

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Lost Connections

Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions

Johann Hari

In 'Lost Connections', Johann Hari explores the increasing rates of depression and anxiety in the Western world. Through a 40,000-mile journey interviewing experts and visiting various communities, Hari identifies nine causes of depression and anxiety, all centered around the theme of disconnection. These causes include disconnection from meaningful work, other people, meaningful values, childhood trauma, status and respect, the natural world, and a hopeful or secure future. The book also delves into the role of genes and brain changes. Hari argues that traditional solutions focusing on chemical imbalances are insufficient and proposes alternative solutions based on reconnection, such as social prescribing, community engagement, and addressing societal issues like inequality and lack of social security.

Your Brain on Love

Stan Tatkin

The Evolution of Desire

Strategies of Human Mating

David Buss

David Buss's "The Evolution of Desire" explores the evolutionary basis of human mating strategies and preferences. Buss integrates evolutionary theory with empirical research to explain patterns of attraction, mate selection, and relationship dynamics. He examines the differences between men and women's mating strategies, considering factors such as sexual selection and parental investment. The book challenges traditional views on relationships and offers a compelling perspective on the biological underpinnings of human behavior. It's a significant contribution to the field of evolutionary psychology.

The Comfort Crisis

Michael Easter

In 'The Comfort Crisis,' Michael Easter explores the idea that modern society's emphasis on comfort and convenience has led to various physical and mental health issues. Easter's journey takes him to diverse locations, including the Alaskan backcountry, Bhutan, and the labs of neuroscientists, to uncover the benefits of living at the edges of one's comfort zone. He discusses the concept of 'misogi,' a Japanese practice involving challenges that push individuals to their limits, and how such experiences can enhance creativity, reduce burnout and anxiety, and increase overall well-being. The book is a call to action, encouraging readers to break out of their comfort zones and reconnect with the natural world and their own potential[2][3][4].

The Total Money Makeover

Dave Ramsey

The Total Money Makeover provides a comprehensive plan for financial fitness, focusing on seven 'baby steps' to help individuals get out of debt and build wealth. The steps include saving a $1,000 emergency fund, using the debt-snowball method to pay off debts, saving a 3-6 month emergency fund, investing for retirement, saving for children's college, paying off the home mortgage, and building wealth. The book also corrects common money myths and offers practical advice based on real-life success stories.

Of Boys and Men

Richard V. Reeves

In 'Of Boys and Men,' Richard V. Reeves delves into the complex and urgent crisis of boyhood and manhood. He discusses how profound economic and social changes have led to many boys and men losing ground in education, the workplace, and family life. Reeves presents detailed research on the structural challenges, including lower academic performance, declining labor force participation, and the specific hardships faced by black boys and men. He argues that both conservative and progressive politicians have failed to provide effective solutions and offers fresh, innovative proposals such as delaying boys' entry into school, increasing male teachers, and improving vocational education. The book emphasizes the need for a positive vision of masculinity in a more equal world without compromising gender equality[3][4][5].

Hardwiring Happiness

The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence

Rick Hanson

In 'Hardwiring Happiness,' Dr. Rick Hanson explains how the brain's ancient survival mechanism makes it more adept at learning from negative experiences than positive ones. He introduces a simple method using everyday experiences to build new neural structures filled with happiness, love, confidence, and peace. Dr. Hanson's four-step HEAL method (Have, Enrich, Absorb, Link) helps readers to counterbalance the brain's negativity bias, making contentment and resilience the new normal. This approach involves focusing on positive experiences, absorbing their good feelings, and linking them to other positive experiences to override negative ones, thereby transforming the brain into a refuge of calm and happiness[1][3][5].

Awaken the Giant Within

Tony Robbins

In 'Awaken the Giant Within,' Tony Robbins offers a comprehensive program for self-mastery, helping readers to discover their true purpose, take control of their lives, and harness the forces that shape their destiny. The book emphasizes the importance of understanding and changing one's belief system, values, and daily habits. It introduces concepts such as Neuro Associative Conditioning (NAC) and the three decisions that control one's destiny: what to focus on, what things mean, and what actions to take. Robbins provides step-by-step exercises and a seven-day challenge to reshape various aspects of life, including emotional, physical, relationship, and financial destinies. The book stresses that everything we do is driven by the need to avoid pain or gain pleasure and teaches how to use these forces to achieve personal goals and transform one's life.

Finding Meaning

The Sixth Stage of Grief

David Kessler

In this groundbreaking book, David Kessler journeys beyond the classic five stages of grief to discover a sixth stage: meaning. Drawing from his professional expertise and intensely personal experiences, including the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son, Kessler provides insights, collective wisdom, and powerful tools to help those experiencing loss. He argues that finding meaning beyond the traditional stages of grief can transform grief into a more peaceful and hopeful experience. The book emphasizes the importance of witnessing grief and finding ways to honor loved ones, ensuring their legacy continues through the living[1][2][4].

Art of Accomplishment

A Platform for Personal Development and Transformation

Joe Hudson

The Art of Accomplishment, led by Joe Hudson, is a comprehensive program that includes various courses, a podcast, and one-on-one coaching. It focuses on emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and practical tools to help individuals achieve their goals while maintaining joy and authenticity. The program emphasizes the importance of emotional fluidity, self-trust, and overcoming personal challenges to lead a fulfilling life. It is designed to be applied directly to real-life situations, making personal growth and transformation more effective and enjoyable.

What Do You Want To Want?

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Kyle Eschenroeder