How to Talk to People: What do we owe our friends?
Jun 5, 2023
35:14
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Quick takeaways
Open conversations about needs and boundaries can help cultivate stronger friendships.
Effort should be directed towards nurturing relationships, setting boundaries, and openly communicating to maintain meaningful connections.
Deep dives
Flaking and Unspoken Friction in Friendships
Flaking has become normalized in our culture, making it hard to rely on plans. The lack of communication and explanations can lead to unspoken friction in friendships.
Different Expectations and Friendship Language
Friendship encompasses various relationships, and disagreements can arise due to clashing expectations. Understanding and discussing each person's friendship language are important for maintaining healthy friendships.
Politeness and the Fear of Imposing
The fear of imposing or burdening friends can lead to a level of politeness that may undermine deeper connections. Initiating open conversations about needs, boundaries, and availability can help cultivate stronger friendships.
The Value of Effort, Communication, and Balance
Friendship requires effort, but viewing it as labor can be detrimental. Effort should be directed towards nurturing relationships, setting boundaries based on communal needs, and openly communicating to avoid passivity and maintain meaningful connections.
The terms of friendship are both voluntary and vague—yet people often find themselves disappointed by unmet expectations. In this episode of How to Talk to People, we explore how to have the difficult conversations that can make our friendships richer and how to set expectations in a relationship defined by choice.
This episode was produced by Rebecca Rashid and is hosted by Julie Beck. Editing by Jocelyn Frank and Claudine Ebeid. Fact-check by Ena Alvarado. Engineering by Rob Smierciak. Special thanks to A.C. Valdez. The managing editor of How to Talk to People is Andrea Valdez.
Be friends with How to Talk to People. Write to us at howtopodcast@theatlantic.com. To support this podcast, and get unlimited access to all of The Atlantic’s journalism, become a subscriber.
Music by Alexandra Woodward (“A Little Tip”), Arthur Benson (“Charmed Encounter,” “She Is Whimsical,” “Organized Chaos”), Bomull (“Latte”), and Tellsonic (“The Whistle Funk”).
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