115. Build The Life You Want: A Conversation with Arthur Brooks and Karen Dillon
Sep 19, 2023
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Arthur Brooks, who teaches Leadership and Happiness at Harvard Business School, joins Karen Dillon to discuss practical strategies for becoming happier from their book 'Build The Life You Want'. They explore misconceptions about happiness, the importance of emotional self-management, strategies for becoming metacognitive, and the neurochemical cascade of falling in love. Listen to learn more!
Emotional self-management is crucial for leading a happier life, and practicing metacognition can help create space between emotions and reactions.
Building a happy life involves focusing on four main pillars: faith or philosophical life, family, friendship, and work that serves others.
When seeking a partner, it is important to seek compatibility in values while also embracing complementarity in terms of personality and interests.
Deep dives
The Importance of Emotional Self-Management and Metacognition
Emotional self-management is crucial in leading a happier life. By practicing metacognition, the ability to observe and understand one's own emotions, individuals can create space between their emotions and their reactions. This allows for a more conscious and intentional response to emotional triggers. One technique is to delay immediate reactions, park emotions, and revisit them later for a more thoughtful analysis. Additionally, engaging in deep self-reflection, practicing contemplative activities like meditation or prayer, and having regular conversations with trusted friends or partners can help in emotional self-management.
The Four Pillars of Happiness
Building a happy life involves focusing on four main pillars: faith or philosophical life, family, friendship, and work that serves others. Practicing one's faith or engaging in philosophical pursuits provides a sense of transcendent purpose. Investing time and effort in maintaining strong familial bonds is essential for overall happiness. Cultivating deep friendships and genuine connections with others is crucial for a balanced and fulfilling life. Lastly, finding work that provides a sense of meaning and purpose while serving others creates a sense of fulfillment and happiness.
Finding Compatibility in Relationships
When seeking a partner, it is important to seek compatibility in values and baseline beliefs. A foundational level of agreement on key values, such as religion or certain principles, can provide a solid basis for a relationship. However, in terms of personality and interests, finding complementarity rather than similarity can lead to more fulfilling relationships. Introverts can learn from extroverts regarding social interactions, while extroverts can benefit from introverts' ability to foster deep connections. Communication, self-awareness, and genuine companionship are key in cultivating successful partnerships.
The Neurochemical Cascade of Falling in Love
Falling in love involves a complex neurochemical cascade. It begins with attraction, driven by sex hormones and followed by euphoria and anticipation. However, falling in love is not devoid of challenges. It entails dips in serotonin, resulting in ruminative and recursive thinking about the person. Oxytocin is also released, creating a bond while potentially triggering jealousy. Understanding the neurochemical processes at play can help individuals navigate the challenges and make informed decisions in romantic relationships.
Practical Application of Happiness Science
One surprising aspect is the lack of awareness around practical techniques for improving happiness. Many people remain unaware of evidence-based strategies to enhance their well-being. Implementing habits such as contemplative reading or meditation, nurturing family and friendship connections, focusing on values-driven work, and managing emotions can lead to significant improvements in happiness. Through personal experience and research-backed strategies, individuals can transform their lives and cultivate long-lasting happiness.
Arthur Brooks teaches a popular course at Harvard Business School called “Leadership and Happiness.” One important underpinning of the course is that science can help us to better understand what will actually make us happier – and Arthur has worked hard to incorporate these concepts into his own life. Recently, he teamed up with Oprah Winfrey to write "Build The Life You Want: The Art and Science of Getting Happier." In those pages, they consider a number of thought-provoking questions, including “How can we mobilize our lives toward greater happiness? How do we translate ideas about happiness into action? And how do we take control of our present and our future?” In this episode, Arthur joins host Karen Dillon – co-author with Clayton Christensen of “How Will You Measure Your Life?” – to dive into these questions. Throughout this wide-ranging conversation, he considers common misconceptions about happiness, the importance of emotional self-management, and how we can all change our habits to truly become happier. Relatedly, they discuss strategies that can be employed to become more metacognitive, the four pillars of happiness, and the neurochemical cascade of falling in love, to name but a few of the many conversation highlights. Arthur also reflects on the fact that so much of the knowledge that is shared in “Build The Life You Want” is practical and yet relatively unknown. Listen to learn more about both the art and science of becoming happier!
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