Ethan Kross, an award-winning professor at the University of Michigan and author of "Chatter," dives deep into the art of finding the right advisors. He emphasizes that merely sharing emotions isn't enough for healing and highlights the importance of a balanced mix of emotional and cognitive support—think both Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock! Kross also warns against the pitfalls of introspection, advocating for a diverse support network while introducing the concept of 'invisible support' to strengthen relationships without overstepping.
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Threatening Letter
Ethan Kross received a threatening letter, shaking him deeply.
This personal experience led him to explore chatter and its impact.
insights INSIGHT
Introspection: Tool or Curse?
Introspection, like a tool, can be both helpful and harmful.
Use introspection wisely to solve problems, not worsen negativity (chatter).
insights INSIGHT
Beyond Venting
Simply venting emotions does not solve the underlying problem.
Effective conversations involve empathy and perspective broadening.
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In 'The Advice Trap', Michael Bungay Stanier builds on the principles of his previous book, 'The Coaching Habit', to help leaders and consultants avoid the pitfalls of premature and unsolicited advice-giving. The book emphasizes the importance of taming the 'Advice Monster' within, which is driven by the beliefs that one must have the answer, be responsible for everything, and stay in control. By staying curious longer and rushing into advice-giving more slowly, leaders can foster a more engaged team, promote organizational change, and create a curiosity-driven company culture. The book provides practical tools and strategies for effective coaching, including the use of probing questions, mindfulness, and humility[2][4][5].
Chatter
The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It
Ethan Kross
In *Chatter*, Ethan Kross delves into the silent conversations we have with ourselves, examining how these internal dialogues shape our lives, work, and relationships. Kross, drawing from his own lab research and real-world case studies, explains how negative self-talk (referred to as 'chatter') can have detrimental effects on our health, mood, and social connections. However, he also provides tools and strategies to manage and harness this inner voice positively. These tools include techniques such as zooming out to gain perspective, using the second person to increase psychological distance, and leveraging the power of nature and placebos. The book is a comprehensive guide on how to transform negative self-talk into a constructive and supportive inner voice.
Ethan Kross: Chatter
Ethan Kross is one of the world’s leading experts on controlling the conscious mind. As an award-winning professor in the University of Michigan’s top-ranked Psychology Department and its Ross School of Business, he studies how the conversations people have with themselves impact their health, performance, decisions, and relationships.
His research has been published in Science, The New England Journal of Medicine, and The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. He's been featured by Good Morning America, NPR’s Morning Edition, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, and many other publications. He's the author of Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It*.
In this conversation, Ethan and I highlight how introspection can sometimes do more harm than good. Ethan invites us to form a board of advisors that support us with both our emotional and cognitive needs. Plus, he shares the science behind how we can do this effectively for others.
Key Points
Simply sharing our emotions with others doesn’t help us to recover in any meaningful way.
When seeking out advisors, we should find those who support both our emotional needs as well as our cognitive ones. You want a blend of both Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. 🖖
Reflect on past conversations with advisors and determine if that previously helped you move forward with a challenging situation. That’s a key indicator to determine if they are people you want to keep engaging.
Seek out different advisors for different things.
A key distinction in supporting others is whether they have specifically sought out of advice or not. If not, being helpful people through invisible means is often useful.
Resources Mentioned
Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It* by Ethan Kross
Interview Notes
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Related Episodes
How to Know What You Don’t Know, with Art Markman (episode 437)
The Way to Be More Coach-Like, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 458)
Leadership Lies We Tell Ourselves, with Emily Leathers (episode 479)
Making the Most of Mentoring (free membership required)
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