Stop People Pleasing, Set Boundaries, And Find Your True Self - Ft Holistic Psychologist
Sep 1, 2023
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Dr. Nicole LePera, a clinical psychologist and owner of the Holistic Psychologist, discusses the three core human needs and how people compensate for them. The podcast covers becoming self-aware, generational empathy, breaking free from repetitive patterns, listening to your body, craving authenticity, and more. Dr. LePera also explores the dynamics of secure relationships, the first step to healing, and the significance of emotional gaps in adults.
Understanding and reconnecting with the three core human needs can lead to feeling more fulfilled and connected to one's true self.
Compensating for unmet core needs can create unresolved emotional issues that impact relationships and personal authenticity.
Self-exploration, facing discomfort, and challenging conditioned beliefs are essential for understanding authentic needs and desires.
The cocoon phase of introspection and inner growth is crucial for personal healing and transformation.
Deep dives
The Core Needs of the Spirit or Soul
The podcast episode explores the three core human needs: to be seen, to be heard, and to express oneself authentically. These needs are often overlooked as people are more focused on physical needs. The lack of awareness about these needs can be attributed to societal conditioning and generational patterns. By understanding and reconnecting with these needs, individuals can feel more fulfilled and connected to their true selves.
Subtle Ways of Compensation for Unmet Needs
The podcast discusses how people compensate for not having their core needs met. An example shared in the episode is when a child feels excluded at school, and a parent dismisses their feelings by saying it will get better. This subtle dismissal can invalidate the child's emotional experience and create patterns of seeking external validation. The episode highlights how this compensation mechanism can lead to unresolved emotional issues that can impact relationships and personal authenticity.
Navigating the Journey of Self-Exploration
The episode emphasizes the importance of self-exploration in understanding one's authentic needs and desires. It highlights the need to pause, check in with oneself, and develop a deeper connection with personal thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. This process may involve facing discomfort, challenging conditioned beliefs, and creating space for self-expression. By exploring one's inner landscape, individuals can make conscious choices and foster a deeper sense of self.
The Transformative Power of Going Inward
The podcast delves into the transformative journey of going inward, referred to as the cocoon phase. This phase involves introspection, reflection, and inner growth. While it might be viewed as withdrawing from the external world, it is a necessary process for personal healing and transformation. The cocoon phase requires attunement to one's nervous system, distinguishing between healthy introspection and unhealthy withdrawal. Trusting the internal wisdom and navigating the ebbs and flows of the cocoon phase can lead to profound personal growth and authentic self-discovery.
Understanding the importance of holding spaces and connecting with the heart
In this podcast episode, the speaker emphasizes the significance of making therapeutic concepts accessible to those who may not have much experience with holding spaces. By zooming out, the speaker encourages listeners to understand the value of connecting with their hearts and moving away from narcissistic tendencies for better self-growth and offering the highest good to oneself and others. The episode also explores the power of breathwork in developing a felt connection with the heart and cultivating compassion.
Recognizing the need to move beyond surface-level expressions of emotions
This podcast episode highlights the challenges that both men and women face in navigating their emotions. The speaker believes that globally, individuals struggle to tolerate and navigate their emotional experiences. Moreover, society reinforces certain emotional expressions, with men often being associated primarily with anger. The episode encourages listeners to explore and embrace a wider range of emotions beyond surface-level expressions, with a focus on coming back to a calm and grounded state.
Understanding the importance of repair and connected relationships
The podcast delves into the significance of repair in relationships, acknowledging that disconnection and moments of rupture are inevitable. It emphasizes the need for secure connections through moments of repair, which involve genuine curiosity, accountability, responsibility, and an ability to hold space for difficult conversations. The speaker encourages listeners to apologize only when they can genuinely show compassion and curiosity, rather than rushing into apologies without truly caring. The episode also highlights the power of repair in healing oneself and others, even in the absence of apologies.
Exploring the concept of the soul and interconnectedness
The podcast touches upon the concept of the soul and its connection to one's unique energetic expression connectedness to the world and others. The host affirms that individuals often struggle with feeling alone and disconnected, but with introspection and a shift in perspective, it is possible to tap into a deeper sense of interconnectedness. The episode highlights the importance of connecting with oneself, exploring spirituality, and recognizing the infinite possibilities for healing and growth that arise from understanding the soul and acknowledging the collective interconnectedness of humanity.
Dr. Nicole LePera is a clinical psychologist and owner of the Holistic Psychologist.
We chat about the three core human needs, the subtle ways people compensate for not having those needs met and the steps that anyone can take to feel more authentically confident and connected to their true self.
Thanks for listening!
TIMESTAMPS
00:00 Intro
00:17 3 Core Emotional Needs
05:27 Becoming Self-Aware
11:07 Generational Empathy
14:14 The Struggle OF Well-Meaning Parents
18:59 Breaking Free From Repetitive Patterns
23:02 Listen To Your Body
28:33 Noticing Stress And Its Needs
32:51 Rooted in Familiarity
34:53 Craving Authenticity
38:57 What Alone Time Signifies
45:32 Trigger Points: What Do You Respond To?
48:19 In Self-Preservation Mode
52:42 Trapped in Outdated Notions
59:05 Respectful Expression Of Your Perspective
1:02:40 Embracing Flexible Boundaries
1:09:34 Childlike Tendency To Personalize
1:15:20 Grounds for Seeking Personal Space
1:20:59 Emotional Gaps In Adults
1:28:13 The Dynamics Of Secure Relationships
1:32:06 The First Step To Ultimate Healing
1:36:02 Our Ties to Everything
1:41:32 Learn More About SelfHealers Circle
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