Understanding (and Healing) Your Original Wounds with Therapist Vienna Pharaon
Nov 13, 2023
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Therapist Vienna Pharaon discusses healing work and original wounds, sharing her own story. She explains how to understand and heal these wounds, stop holding yourself back in relationships, and highlights the positive side of red flags. Breakups are not failures.
Understanding and healing our original wounds is essential for creating healthy relationships.
Worthiness wounds stemming from conditional love can impact self-worth and relationships.
Exploring childhood experiences helps identify patterns and attachment styles in adult relationships.
The book empowers readers to unpack family dynamics, heal wounds, and build fulfilling relationships.
Deep dives
The Origins of You: Exploring Family Patterns
The book "The Origins of You" by Vienna Farron explores the impact of family patterns on our lives and relationships. It delves into the concept of original healing work, which involves understanding and addressing the first time we experience a rupture in our self-worth, belonging, trust, safety, and other key areas. The book emphasizes the importance of reconnecting with our personal stories and wounds, even if we don't remember the exact details, and highlights the role of worthiness wounds as one of the most prevalent patterns. Readers are encouraged to examine their conditioning and how it affects their relationships, and to make room for themselves to feel and heal. Overall, the book helps readers understand how their family dynamics shape their experiences and offers insights for creating healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
Identifying and Healing Worthiness Wounds
One of the most prevalent patterns explored in "The Origins of You" is the worthiness wound. This pattern often emerges from conditional love, where individuals feel a need to constantly please, perform, or be perfect in order to receive love, validation, and connection. The book encourages readers to recognize this pattern and its impact on their relationships, self-worth, and sense of belonging. By acknowledging and healing these worthiness wounds, individuals can foster healthier and more authentic connections with others and prioritize their own emotional well-being. The book offers tools, insights, and storytelling to support readers on their journey of healing and self-discovery.
The Impact of Childhood Experiences on Relationships
Through the lens of childhood experiences, "The Origins of You" explores how our early family dynamics shape our adult relationships. By examining the first ruptures in trust, belonging, and safety, readers gain valuable insights into recurring patterns, conflicts, and attachment styles in their current relationships. The book emphasizes the importance of understanding the origins of these patterns and healing the wounds associated with them. It offers practical guidance for creating healthier and more fulfilling relationships by breaking free from conditioned behaviors and consciously choosing different responses. Overall, the book provides a roadmap for personal growth, self-awareness, and transforming relationship dynamics.
Unpacking Family Patterns and Embracing Healing
"The Origins of You" by Vienna Farron delves into the impact of family patterns on our lives and offers a path towards healing and growth. The book emphasizes the importance of exploring our early experiences and recognizing the wounds and conditioning we may have inherited. By shedding light on the origins of our beliefs, behaviors, and relationship patterns, readers gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their interactions with others. The book's storytelling approach and practical tools provide guidance for unpacking family dynamics, healing past wounds, and fostering healthier connections. Ultimately, "The Origins of You" empowers readers to break free from old patterns and create more fulfilling relationships.
Recognizing Familiar Patterns in Relationships
In relationships, we often find ourselves drawn to red flags or behaviors that feel familiar to us. This is because these patterns reflect what we have experienced in the past. It is important to understand why we are drawn to these patterns and to be willing to examine the underlying wounds or insecurities that are driving our choices. Engaging with red flags can be an opportunity for healing and growth, as it brings us face-to-face with the familiar pain and gives us a chance to address it. By doing the inner work and resolving these wounds, we can create healthier patterns and build more fulfilling relationships.
Letting Go of the Fear of Failure in Relationships
The end of a relationship does not equate to failure. It is crucial to shift our perspective and recognize that the end of a relationship can be a valuable source of wisdom and growth. Instead of viewing an ending as a personal failure or a lack of effort, we should focus on the lessons we have learned, the joy and happiness we experienced, and the personal development that occurred. Every relationship, regardless of its duration, provides an opportunity for self-discovery and progress. We need to redefine the metrics of success in relationships and embrace the knowledge and growth that come with each experience.
Feeling Lucky in Relationships
When both partners feel lucky to have each other, it fosters a deep sense of respect and mutual admiration. This is different from putting someone on a pedestal or feeling insecure. It is about genuinely appreciating and admiring your partner, knowing that you both bring something valuable to the relationship. This dynamic creates a sense of emotional safety and allows for vulnerability and growth. It is important to work on developing a relationship where both partners feel equally blessed to have found each other, fostering an environment of love, respect, and reciprocity.
We’re so happy to welcome back marriage and family therapist Vienna Pharaon to talk about healing work and the five original wounds. She shares her own personal story of her parents’ (nine year long) divorce and how she didn’t think it affected her until later in life when she was ready to process and work through it. Then she walks us through how to pinpoint and understand your original wounds and how they are affecting you today, and gives steps for how to heal and stop holding yourself back from healthy relationships. We also discuss how red flags can be a positive thing, the unhealthy side of choosing partners who put you on a pedestal, and why breakups don’t equal failure. Before Vienna joins us, we have a debut cameo from Sparkle Eyes. Enjoy!
Follow Vienna on Instagram @mindfulmft, check out her podcast This Keeps Happening, and get her book The Origins of You.
