598: The Assumptions That Stop Us From Listening Well, with Oscar Trimboli

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Oct 10, 2022

Oscar Trimboli, author of "Deep Listening" and host of the award-winning podcast "Deep Listening," dives into the art of effective communication. He discusses how personal assumptions can hinder our listening abilities and emphasizes the need for curiosity instead of conclusions. Oscar likens tuning into conversations to an orchestra preparing for a performance, stressing the importance of eliminating distractions. He also reveals the difference between merely paying attention and genuinely giving attention, which can transform our relationships.

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ADVICE

Tuning Your Listening

Tune your listening by having a pre-conversation ritual.
This ritual prepares you to be present and available, like an orchestra tuning before a performance.

INSIGHT

Untuned Listening

An untuned mind disrupts listening and encourages assumptions.
This leads to jarring conversations where the other person feels unheard and the discussion becomes fragmented.

ADVICE

Shorter Questions, Deeper Listening

Use shorter, neutral questions (under eight words) in conversations.
Longer questions often introduce bias, hindering the speaker's ability to process their thoughts.

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Oscar Trimboli: How to Listen

Oscar Trimboli is an author, host of the Apple award-winning podcast Deep Listening and a sought-after keynote speaker. He is passionate about using the gift of listening to bring positive change in homes, workplaces, and cultures around the world. Through his work with chairs, boards of directors, and executive teams, Oscar has experienced firsthand the transformational impact leaders and organizations can have when they listen beyond the words.

Oscar is a marketing and technology industry veteran with over 30 years experience across general management, sales, marketing, and operations for Microsoft, PeopleSoft, Polycom, Professional Advantage, and Vodafone. He is the author of the book, Deep Listening and now, his newest book, How to Listen: Discover the Hidden Key to Better Communication*.

In this conversation, Oscar and I explore several of the assumptions that tend to get in our way of listening well. Oscar highlights distinctions that will be useful mindsets for you in showing up better in future conversations. Plus, we discuss how listing goes far beyond simply asking questions.

Key Points

Before we begin listening, it is helpful to tune…much like as orchestra.
We can’t always give our full attention, but we can make the choice as to whether we are paying attention or giving attention.
As much as we intend otherwise, sometimes we listen less well in our closest relationships.
Aim to be curious instead of drawing conclusions.
Asking questions does not necessarily mean you are listening well. Aimless and arbitrary questions are everywhere.

Resources Mentioned

How to Listen: Discover the Hidden Key to Better Communication* by Oscar Trimboli

Interview Notes

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Related Episodes

The Way to Be More Coach-Like, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 458)
Four Habits That Derail Listening, with Oscar Trimboli (episode 500)
How to Genuinely Show Up for Others, with Marshall Goldsmith (episode 590)

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