Oscar Trimboli, author of "Deep Listening" and host of the award-winning podcast "Deep Listening," dives into the art of effective communication. He discusses how personal assumptions can hinder our listening abilities and emphasizes the need for curiosity instead of conclusions. Oscar likens tuning into conversations to an orchestra preparing for a performance, stressing the importance of eliminating distractions. He also reveals the difference between merely paying attention and genuinely giving attention, which can transform our relationships.
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Tuning Your Listening
Tune your listening by having a pre-conversation ritual.
This ritual prepares you to be present and available, like an orchestra tuning before a performance.
insights INSIGHT
Untuned Listening
An untuned mind disrupts listening and encourages assumptions.
This leads to jarring conversations where the other person feels unheard and the discussion becomes fragmented.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Shorter Questions, Deeper Listening
Use shorter, neutral questions (under eight words) in conversations.
Longer questions often introduce bias, hindering the speaker's ability to process their thoughts.
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Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever
Michael Bungay Stanier
In 'The Coaching Habit,' Michael Bungay Stanier provides a straightforward and effective approach to coaching. Drawing on his extensive experience training managers worldwide, he introduces seven essential coaching questions designed to help managers unlock their team's potential. These questions include the Kickstart Question, the AWE Question, the Lazy Question, the Strategic Question, the Focus Question, the Foundation Question, and the Learning Question. The book emphasizes the importance of saying less and asking more, fostering a collaborative and empowering work environment. It combines practical advice with research in neuroscience and behavioral economics, making coaching a daily, informal part of managerial work rather than a formal event.
The Advice Trap
Michael Bungay Stanier
In 'The Advice Trap', Michael Bungay Stanier builds on the principles of his previous book, 'The Coaching Habit', to help leaders and consultants avoid the pitfalls of premature and unsolicited advice-giving. The book emphasizes the importance of taming the 'Advice Monster' within, which is driven by the beliefs that one must have the answer, be responsible for everything, and stay in control. By staying curious longer and rushing into advice-giving more slowly, leaders can foster a more engaged team, promote organizational change, and create a curiosity-driven company culture. The book provides practical tools and strategies for effective coaching, including the use of probing questions, mindfulness, and humility[2][4][5].
Oscar Trimboli: How to Listen
Oscar Trimboli is an author, host of the Apple award-winning podcast Deep Listening and a sought-after keynote speaker. He is passionate about using the gift of listening to bring positive change in homes, workplaces, and cultures around the world. Through his work with chairs, boards of directors, and executive teams, Oscar has experienced firsthand the transformational impact leaders and organizations can have when they listen beyond the words.
Oscar is a marketing and technology industry veteran with over 30 years experience across general management, sales, marketing, and operations for Microsoft, PeopleSoft, Polycom, Professional Advantage, and Vodafone. He is the author of the book, Deep Listening and now, his newest book, How to Listen: Discover the Hidden Key to Better Communication*.
In this conversation, Oscar and I explore several of the assumptions that tend to get in our way of listening well. Oscar highlights distinctions that will be useful mindsets for you in showing up better in future conversations. Plus, we discuss how listing goes far beyond simply asking questions.
Key Points
Before we begin listening, it is helpful to tune…much like as orchestra.
We can’t always give our full attention, but we can make the choice as to whether we are paying attention or giving attention.
As much as we intend otherwise, sometimes we listen less well in our closest relationships.
Aim to be curious instead of drawing conclusions.
Asking questions does not necessarily mean you are listening well. Aimless and arbitrary questions are everywhere.
Resources Mentioned
How to Listen: Discover the Hidden Key to Better Communication* by Oscar Trimboli
Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes
The Way to Be More Coach-Like, with Michael Bungay Stanier (episode 458)
Four Habits That Derail Listening, with Oscar Trimboli (episode 500)
How to Genuinely Show Up for Others, with Marshall Goldsmith (episode 590)
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