More Happier: Friendship Roundtable: How to Make, Keep & Deepen Friendships
Mar 22, 2025
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Laurie Santos, a Yale professor and host of "The Happiness Lab," teams up with Reshma Saujani, founder of Girls Who Code and bestselling author, for an insightful discussion on friendship. They delve into the evolution of friendships through life stages, especially midlife. Key topics include tackling the challenges of forming new connections, balancing close friendships with a wider circle, and understanding how personality types influence relationships. The conversation is peppered with personal anecdotes and practical advice for nurturing meaningful bonds.
Recognizing the varying types of friendships—intimate, relational, and communal—helps individuals appreciate their unique roles in personal happiness.
Intentional efforts to reach out and prioritize friendships can significantly enhance connections and counter feelings of isolation in adulthood.
Deep dives
The Importance of Friendships
Friendship is recognized as a crucial element for a happier life, supported by both ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists. People often confuse close friends with mere acquaintances, especially during life changes like the 'empty nest' phase. Through discussions, it becomes evident that the value of friendship is frequently underestimated. Acknowledging its significance leads many to reevaluate and prioritize their connections, enriching their lives with deeper relationships.
Making New Friends in Midlife
As adults, particularly in midlife, establishing new friendships can be challenging due to busy schedules and the demands of life. One participant shares their experience of feeling burnt out and realizing they hadn’t invested enough time in their friendships. It requires intentional effort to reach out, suggest plans, and navigate everyone's busy calendars. However, making an effort usually leads to positive responses, as most people appreciate the initiative to deepen connections.
Different Types of Friendships
Friendships can be categorized into three types: intimate friendships, relational friends, and communal friends. Intimate friendships are those where individuals can turn to each other in times of crisis, while relational friends may share activities but lack deeper trust. Communal friends tend to exist within shared environments and may provide valuable connections but not necessarily the closeness found in intimate friendships. Understanding these categories can help individuals appreciate the varying roles friendships play in their lives.
Maintaining Connections and Prioritizing Friendships
Amidst life's challenges, prioritizing friendships is essential for maintaining personal happiness. Scheduling struggles can often prevent individuals from connecting with friends, leading to feelings of guilt or neglect. However, sharing experiences such as a quick text of appreciation or planning gatherings for quality time can make a significant difference. By intentionally valuing friendships in everyday life, individuals can create supportive networks that enhance well-being for themselves and those around them.
First in a new discussion series on happiness: Friendship Roundtable. Joining me is a longtime friend, Laurie Santos, and a new friend, Reshma Saujani. We talk about how our friendships have changed over time, how to handle conflict, and how to make new friends in adulthood. Yale professor Laurie Santos is host of “The Happiness Lab” podcast. Reshma Saujani is founder of Girls Who Code and Moms First and host of the “My So-Called Midlife” podcast.