Joseph Grenny, a leading expert in business performance and communication and a New York Times bestselling co-author, dives into the dynamics of difficult conversations. He reveals how the stories we tell ourselves—victim, villain, and helpless narratives—can sabotage dialogue. Grenny shares practical strategies, emphasizing TLC: truth, love, and competence, to navigate conflicts. By fostering self-awareness and focusing on genuine motives, he offers tools to enhance emotional management and strengthen relationships during crucial discussions.
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insights INSIGHT
Ethical Influence Principles
Influence is essential because most major personal and global problems are fundamentally about human behavior. - True ethical influence loses effectiveness if its strategy fails when openly announced to the person influenced.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Accountability Needs Truth and Love
Approach accountability with truth and love to protect everyone's interests. - People resist messages if they sense lack of care or respect, regardless of diplomacy or packaging.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Show Care Through Listening and Cues
Demonstrate care by listening intently and sharing sincere intentions openly. - Small cues like smiling or body language signal safety and respect in conversations.
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Tools for Resolving Violated Expectations, Broken Commitments, and Bad Behavior
Joseph Greeny
Crucial Accountability offers tools for improving relationships in the workplace and in life by resolving problems such as broken promises, missed deadlines, and poor behavior. The book provides practical strategies for holding accountability conversations that solve problems without harming relationships. It emphasizes the importance of identifying the right issues to address, preparing for the conversation, and ensuring follow-up actions to maintain commitments and improve outcomes.
Crucial Conversations
Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
Joseph Grenny
Stephen R Covey
Al Switzler
Ron McMillan
Kerry Patterson
Crucial Conversations provides tools and strategies for handling difficult conversations where stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong. The book focuses on creating a safe environment for candid discussions, using techniques like STATE (Share, Tell, Ask, Talk, Encourage) and CRIB (Commit, Recognize, Invent, Brainstorm) to ensure productive and respectful communication. It underscores the importance of shared understanding, mutual purpose, and active listening in achieving successful outcomes in crucial conversations.
Influence
The Psychology of Persuasion
Robert Cialdini
In this highly acclaimed book, Dr. Robert B. Cialdini explains the psychology behind why people say yes and how to apply these insights ethically. The book outlines six universal principles of influence: Reciprocation, Commitment and Consistency, Social Proof, Liking, Authority, and Scarcity. The new and expanded edition includes a seventh principle, Unity, along with new research, insights, and examples. Cialdini uses memorable stories and relatable examples to make the subject accessible and easy to understand, helping readers become more skilled persuaders and defend themselves against unethical influence attempts.
How victim, villain, and helpless stories sabotage our most important conversations.
The hardest conversations aren’t just about what you say to the other person. According to Joseph Grenny, critical conversations begin with the stories that you tell yourself.
As a leading expert on business performance and communication, and a New York Times bestselling co-author of Crucial Conversations, Grenny explains that navigating high-stakes communication starts by examining the internal narratives we bring into these situations. “You and I use three consistent types of stories in these moments that don't serve us well,” he says: Victim stories (emphasizing our innocence), villain stories (demonizing the other person), and helpless stories (justifying our poor responses). "Those three kinds of stories are what amp up our emotions and justify us in our unhealthy responses," he says.
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Grenny joins Matt Abrahams to share practical strategies for mastering difficult conversations through what he calls "TLC" — truth, love, and competence. From recognizing your motives during conflict to accepting your role in creating it, he offers tools for staying focused on what you really want rather than getting hijacked by short-term emotional impulses.
To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium
(04:10) - Truth & Love: The Foundation of Accountability
(06:30) - Showing You Care & Respect Others
(08:14) - Recognizing Motives in High-Stakes Moment
(14:08) - Managing Emotions in Crucial Conversations
(20:03) - The Final Three Questions
(25:19) - Conclusion
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Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques 
