Big Think A simple tool for better communication during toxic conflict | Amanda Ripley
Oct 8, 2025
In this engaging discussion, Amanda Ripley, a New York Times bestselling author and conflict researcher, shares her insights on handling high-conflict situations. She explains the psychological tripwires that lead to destructive arguments and introduces a technique called 'looping' to foster better communication. Ripley emphasizes the importance of understanding the underlying reasons for conflicts and balances them with positive interactions to maintain healthy relationships. Learn how managing conflict constructively can lead to growth and deeper connections.
AI Snips
Chapters
Books
Transcript
Episode notes
The Paradoxical Pull Of High Conflict
- High conflict pulls people in while also making them desperately want out, creating a paradoxical trap.
- This magnetic pull makes people obsess, replay conversations, and lose sleep while harming what they sought to protect.
High Conflict Is A Tar Pit
- High conflict acts like a tar pit that draws people in and makes every effort to escape make things worse.
- Once trapped, intuitive responses escalate the situation and narrow thinking, requiring counterintuitive strategies to escape.
The Los Angeles Tar Pit Example
- Ripley tells of an asphalt spring in Los Angeles filled with millions of bones that trapped animals like a tar pit.
- The site illustrates how natural attraction plus immobilization creates a deadly loop of entrapment.
