“We can have that fight for a 1,000 years, but we could have a shot at figuring out what we both need and noticing when there's opportunities to make that happen.”
Conflict can be constructive, inspiring learning, growth, and vulnerability when well-managed. But when it spirals into what Amanda Ripley calls high conflict, it becomes corrosive.
Instead of solving problems, high conflict traps us in a cycle where arguments feed on themselves, eroding trust and entire relationships. So, why are we so susceptible to it? Ripley explains, sharing our psychological tripwires and how to avoid them.
Chapters:-
0:00 The paradox of high conflict
0:30 Breaking the cycle
2:50 How to get to the understory
5:00 High conflict is a tar pit
6:30 The idiot driver reflex (why we don’t give people benefit of the doubt)
7:50 Fear leads to a desire for simplicity
8:20 The saturation point
10:50 Good, healthy conflict
11:15 Looping (how to prove you are listening)
14:00 The most common understories
17:30 Practice under stress
20:00 How to keep conflict healthy
21:00 The magic ratio of positive interactions to conflict
21:55 Who high conflict benefits
22:55 There’s no winning a marriage
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About Amanda Ripley:
Amanda Ripley is a New York Times bestselling author, Washington Post contributor, and co-founder of consultancy firm, Good Conflict. Her books include The Smartest Kids in the World, High Conflict, and The Unthinkable.
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