The Natasha Helfer Podcast 60: Creating Lasting Sexual Connections
May 8, 2024
Emily Nagoski, sex educator and researcher best known for Come As You Are, joins to explore sustaining sexual connection in long-term relationships. She discusses playful ways to discover preferences, dismantling harmful sexual myths after faith transitions, solo sexuality’s role in relationships, consent and autonomy, and practical steps for rebuilding friendship, prioritizing sex, and co-creating authentic sexual rules.
AI Snips
Chapters
Books
Transcript
Episode notes
Reframe Solo Sex As Normal Personal Time
- Treat solo masturbation in relationships as a separate, legitimate sexual outlet that isn't betrayal.
- Frame solo sex like other solo activities (eating lunch alone) to reduce entitlement and shame about private pleasure.
Sex Is Attraction Not A Survival Drive
- Sex is an incentive motivation system (pulled by stimuli), not a biological drive pushed by internal discomfort.
- Reframing sex this way reduces entitlement and clarifies that connection can be met by many nonsexual behaviors.
Map Desire To Specific Needs Then Negotiate Structures
- Ask partners what they actually want from sex beyond orgasm and design behaviors to meet those specific needs.
- For high/low desire gaps, create structures like non-pressured welcome mats or watched masturbation to meet differing wants without coercion.
