Sounds True: Insights at the Edge

Terry Real: Standing Up to One Another with Love

Aug 29, 2018
Terry Real, a renowned family therapist and founder of the Relational Life Institute, shares insights on navigating relationship complexities. He discusses his do-or-divorce approach, emphasizing that deal breakers don’t have to end a partnership. Terry unveils the concept of 'core negative images' that can distort how partners see each other and explains how recognizing these can actually bolster a relationship. He introduces the notion of 'fierce intimacy', highlighting that healthy relationship skills could help humanity face future challenges together.
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ANECDOTE

Two-Day Intensive Couples Therapy

  • Terry Real works intensively with couples on the brink of divorce for two days to dramatically change their relationship.
  • He breaks traditional therapy rules to address dysfunctional relational stances and then traces them back to family origins.
INSIGHT

Relational Fitness Analogy

  • Relational skills are teachable like physical fitness, requiring personal effort and growth.
  • Success depends on engaging the adult self rather than the triggered adaptive child in relational moments.
ADVICE

Responsible Withdrawal in Conflict

  • When needing distance to manage conflict, communicate clearly about the break and the intent to return.
  • This responsible withdrawal helps your partner feel secure and prevents chasing or escalation.
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