Relationships 2.0: Why Did You Do That? + Your Questions Answered: Fred Luskin on Grudges
Apr 21, 2025
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Liane Young, a psychologist and neuroscientist, discusses the fascinating concept of 'theory of mind'—the ability to understand what others are thinking. She explains how this cognitive skill develops in children and shapes our moral judgments, often leading to misunderstandings. Fred Luskin, an expert on forgiveness, answers listener questions about grudges, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and open communication. He illustrates how releasing grudges can pave the way for personal peace and healthier relationships.
The theory of mind enables individuals to understand others' intentions, profoundly influencing social interactions and cognitive development from childhood.
Children develop the ability to differentiate others' beliefs from reality between ages three and five, illustrated by tests like the Sally-Ann task.
Social contexts significantly shape moral judgments, as behavior interpretations can vary based on whether the actors are in-group or out-group.
Deep dives
Understanding Intentions
The capacity to read the intentions of others, known as theory of mind, plays a crucial role in social interactions. This cognitive skill allows individuals to interpret actions, engage in relationships, and navigate their social worlds effectively. For example, in the movie Mrs. Doubtfire, the humor relies on understanding that the character Daniel, disguised as a nanny, has his own agenda to prevent his ex-wife from dating. Without the ability to discern these layered intentions, the scene's humor would be lost, illustrating how our understanding of others shapes our interactions.
Development of Theory of Mind
Psychologists have found that the ability to understand that others have different thoughts and beliefs, referred to as theory of mind, develops in children between ages three and five. Through tests, such as the Sally-Ann task, researchers demonstrate that younger children struggle to realize that people can have beliefs that differ from reality. For example, they may not understand that Sally still thinks her ball is in the basket, despite witnessing Ann move it. This insight reveals the nuanced way children learn to comprehend others' perspectives as they mature.
Consequences of Misreading Intentions
Misreading others' intentions can lead to significant interpersonal challenges and emotional issues. Individuals who struggle with theory of mind may appear awkward in social settings, fail to recognize cues, or even show reduced empathy. For example, a person with difficulty reading a room might miss social signals in a meeting, causing misunderstandings. This impairment in interpreting intentions can be detrimental, much like a musician lacking rhythm—constantly out of sync with their environment and relationships.
Impact of Social Context on Judgments
Social and cultural contexts can heavily influence how people interpret intentions and make moral judgments. Research indicates that individuals may interpret similar behaviors differently depending on whether the actors are part of their in-group or out-group. For instance, an aggressive act by someone from their own group may be viewed as defensive, whereas the same action by an outsider is perceived as malicious. This bias highlights how the subjective understanding of intent can reinforce divisions and misunderstandings among different social groups.
The Role of Brain Function in Understanding Intent
Neuroscience has uncovered specific brain regions, like the right temporoparietal junction, that play pivotal roles in evaluating the intentions of others. Studies using brain imaging have shown that greater activation in this area correlates with moral judgments that take intentions into account. Disrupting this region can alter how individuals respond to moral dilemmas, highlighting the biological basis for these cognitive processes. This research underscores the complexity of moral reasoning and the profound effects of our neurological functions on social understanding.
As we go through life, we’re constantly trying to figure out what other people are thinking and feeling. Psychologist Liane Young says this ability to assess other people’s thoughts is an extraordinary feat of cognition. This week, in a favorite episode from our archives, we explore this mental superpower — and how it can lead us astray.
In our conversation with Liane Young, we explore:
*The uniquely human ability to think about the minds of other people, which scientists refer to as "theory of mind."
*How and when young children develop this ability to intuit what's happening in other people's minds.
*Why our understanding of other people's minds affects our moral judgments — and how those judgments can be disabled.
*How misreading another person's intentions can affect our lives in both small and significant ways.
Then, in the second part of this week's show, we welcome back researcher Fred Luskin, who responds to listeners' questions about grudges. If you missed the original conversation with Fred Luskin, listen to our episode No Hard Feelings.
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