After Bedtime with Big Little Feelings Sex After Kids: What the Hell Happened? And What To Do About It.
Dec 17, 2025
In a candid discussion, sex therapist Vanessa Marin and her husband Xander Marin tackle the often-ignored intimacy struggles parents face after having kids. They explore how exhaustion and mental load can erode sexual desire, revealing that low desire might be more about pleasure and energy than individuals. Vanessa offers practical tips for reconnecting, like interpreting awkward advances as bids for closeness and understanding initiation styles. They also share personal insights on body image and the grieving of honeymoon chemistry, emphasizing new ways to forge deeper connections.
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Post-Children Desire Collapse
- Many parents feel zero energy or desire for sex after having kids and are unprepared for the level of disconnection.
- Exhaustion makes them see the problem but leaves no energy to fix it.
Men Seek Intimacy, Not Just Sex
- Men often want emotional closeness, not just sex, and feel unseen when their partner withdraws.
- Women commonly carry most of the mental load and therefore experience more exhaustion and disconnection.
Reframe Initiations As Requests For Closeness
- When a partner initiates sex, imagine they are saying "I want to feel close to you right now" to reframe annoyance into empathy.
- This mental reframing reduces reactive dismissal and invites connection.