380: How to Find Confidence in Conflict, with Kwame Christian
Nov 12, 2018
auto_awesome
Kwame Christian, a business lawyer, shares insights on finding confidence in conflict. He discusses the breakdown of communication, steps of compassionate curiosity, and strategies for successful negotiations. The episode highlights the importance of acknowledging emotions, using open-ended questions, and transitioning smoothly between emotions and problem-solving. Kwame's practical advice and expert knowledge provide valuable tools for managing difficult conversations and negotiations.
Effective communication breakdown involves framing, pacing, and direction.
Navigating conflicts requires compassionate curiosity: Acknowledge emotions, be curious, and solve together.
Deep dives
Confidence in Handling Difficult Conversations
Kwame Christian shares insights on finding confidence in conflict. He emphasizes the universal struggle many face in managing tough talks effectively. As a business lawyer and negotiation expert, he employs workshops to ease challenging conversations. Kwame's approach blends unique interdisciplinary insights to conflict management, drawn from legal and public policy backgrounds.
Personal Narrative as a Foundation for Growth
Kwame recounts a childhood experience that shaped his approach to relationships and conflicts. His initial loneliness led to a quest for popularity, illustrating how strengths can conceal weaknesses. By reflecting on his past and the need to navigate difficult conversations, Kwame highlights the transformative power of shedding fears and building confidence through practice and mindset shifts.
Key Lessons from Tennis and Mixed Martial Arts
Drawing parallels from sports, Kwame discusses the strategic elements important in conflict resolution. Similar to leveraging pressure points in tennis, identifying critical moments in negotiations can lead to success. From mixed martial arts, he adopts the principle of controlling specific areas to gain an advantage, paralleling this to communication breakdowns and identifying key issues for effective conflict management.
Negotiation vs. Conflict: Defining and Managing
Kwame distinguishes negotiation as any conversation with desired outcomes and conflict as emotionally charged negotiations. He highlights the importance of addressing emotional barriers in conflicts to facilitate productive negotiations. By embracing the concept of 'compassionate curiosity,' individuals can navigate conflicts effectively by acknowledging emotions, fostering curiosity, and engaging in joint problem-solving.
Kwame Christian: Negotiate Anything
Kwame Christian is a business lawyer and the Director of the American Negotiation Institute. His TEDx Talk, Finding Confidence in Conflict, was the most popular TED Talk on the topic of conflict of 2017.
Today, he’s working extensively with procurement departments within companies to help them make better deals. Kwame hosts the top negotiation podcast, Negotiate Anything and is the author of the book Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life*.
Key Points
Three points to the breakdown of communication:
The Frame (the storyline)
The Pace (how fast)
The Direction (what issues you’re talking about)
Three steps of compassionate curiosity:
Acknowledging emotions
Getting curious with compassion
Joint problem solving
Resources Mentioned
Kwame’s Negotiation guide
Negotiate Anything podcast by Kwame Christian
Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life* by Kwame Christian
Anchoring episode on Negotiate Anything
Book Notes
Download my highlights from Finding Confidence in Conflict in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes
Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It, with Chris Voss (episode 262)
Negotiation Tactics for Results, with Kwame Christian (episode 311)
Have Conversations That Matter, with Celeste Headlee (episode 344)
Discover More
Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.
Get the Snipd podcast app
Unlock the knowledge in podcasts with the podcast player of the future.
AI-powered podcast player
Listen to all your favourite podcasts with AI-powered features
Discover highlights
Listen to the best highlights from the podcasts you love and dive into the full episode
Save any moment
Hear something you like? Tap your headphones to save it with AI-generated key takeaways
Share & Export
Send highlights to Twitter, WhatsApp or export them to Notion, Readwise & more
AI-powered podcast player
Listen to all your favourite podcasts with AI-powered features
Discover highlights
Listen to the best highlights from the podcasts you love and dive into the full episode