The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish The Science of Lasting Love with Dr. Sue Johnson
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Aug 19, 2025 
Dr. Sue Johnson, a pioneer of Emotionally Focused Therapy, shares revolutionary insights on building lasting relationships. She unveils the real reasons behind infidelity and offers tips on spotting warning signs early. Learn how to transform arguments into opportunities for connection and keep the spark alive, even after children. Sue discusses the life cycles of relationships, emotional intimacy, and the importance of open dialogue. Her framework helps couples communicate effectively, promising a healthier emotional bond for anyone, whether single or coupled.
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Criticism Reveals Hidden Attachment Needs
- Criticism is often a disguised cry for help rooted in feeling alone or ignored.
- Emotional responsiveness — tuning in and allowing feelings — defuses that cry and restores connection.
Childhood Attachment Builds A Relationship Map
- Early attachment experiences create a visceral template for adult relationships.
- Secure childhood bonds make tuning in, vulnerability, and healthy intimacy easier as adults.
Respond To Small Bids, Not Predictions
- Notice and respond to bids for connection instead of staying in your head predicting moves.
- Turn toward small bids (eye contact, smiles) to build attunement and intimacy.
