Design Matters with Debbie Millman cover image

Design Matters with Debbie Millman

Best of Design Matters: Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.

Feb 3, 2025
Emily Nagoski, a New York Times bestselling author and educator, dives into the intricacies of sexual connection and intimacy. She shares insights from her career and new book, "Come Together," emphasizing the need for vulnerability and authentic communication in relationships. The discussion tackles the distinction between desire and pleasure, redefining sexual motivation, and navigating body image. Nagoski encourages intentional intimacy, highlighting how shared pleasure trumps maintaining initial attraction, making for deeper emotional bonds.
01:19:20

Episode guests

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

  • Maintaining passion in long-term relationships involves nurturing emotional intimacy and mutual enjoyment rather than solely chasing initial desire.
  • Differentiating between desire and pleasure can help individuals appreciate their sexual experiences, focusing on joy and shared enjoyment with partners.

Deep dives

The Spark of Connection

The podcast discusses the importance of maintaining passion within long-term relationships, emphasizing that initial intensity can fade but does not have to disappear entirely. Couples often face the challenge of keeping the spark alive, leading to the dilemma of whether to accept a lack of intimacy or actively seek to enhance their connection. It highlights that those who manage to sustain a fulfilling sexual bond often focus less on 'spark' and more on nurturing emotional intimacy and mutual enjoyment. This paradigm shift suggests re-evaluating what it means to have a satisfying sexual life beyond mere desire.

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