A Challenged Relationship: Understanding the Dynamics Between Elise and Her Sister Natalia

Elise, aged 53, writes to Dear Therapists seeking advice on her strained relationship with her older sister Natalia. Growing up, Elise and Natalia were close, but they drifted apart when Natalia went to college. Conflict arose when Elise got pregnant and didn't inform Natalia immediately, as instructed by their parents. Elise's father passed away, and Natalia blamed her for not being more involved in caregiving and estate matters. The sisters exchanged angry emails, with Natalia expressing feelings of being unappreciated and sacrificing her own happiness. Elise struggles to validate Natalia's perspective and often defends her rosy view of their childhood. Their communication is primarily through emails, with Natalia feeling unheard and dismissed by Elise. Unresolved grief over their father's death and the favoritism he showed Natalia exacerbates their strained dynamic. Elise also shares her disappointment in her mother's lack of involvement in her son's life. While she tries to be a different kind of parent, it triggers her own unaddressed pain. Elise acknowledges her defense mode and the need to validate Natalia's experience, as well as explore her own feelings more deeply.