In this podcast, the host discusses the negative effects of constantly apologizing. They explore different types of apologies and the underlying reasons behind them. They also discuss the impact of cultural expectations and the importance of expressing gratitude instead. The podcast emphasizes the importance of authentic conversations and breaking free from people-pleasing behaviors.
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Quick takeaways
Apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong puts the other person in an uncomfortable position.
Apologies should be reserved for situations where intentional harm or wrongdoing has occurred.
Using apologies appropriately helps build connections and fosters self-awareness.
Deep dives
Understanding the Inappropriate Use of Apologies
Apologies are often used instinctively in various situations, but their inappropriate use can negatively impact self-esteem. Apologies should not be used to manage people's opinions or seek reassurance. Instead, they should be reserved for situations where one intentionally hurts, teases, disrespects, or breaks something that belongs to someone else. They can also be used when someone is unfair, harsh, or engages in behavior they know is wrong. Using apologies appropriately helps build connections and fosters self-awareness.
Building Self-Awareness Around Apologies
To build self-awareness around the appropriate use of apologies, one can ask themselves a series of questions. These questions include: Is it my fault? Could I say thank you instead? Do I need grace or forgiveness? Do I really know why I'm apologizing? Am I trying to make someone feel better about themselves? By evaluating these questions and understanding the context and intentions behind apologies, individuals can develop a greater awareness of when and how to use apologies effectively.
When Apologies Are Appropriate
Apologies are appropriate when one intentionally crosses a boundary, acts out of alignment with their morals or values, or engages in behavior that harms others. In these situations, apologies can convey remorse and a desire to make amends. Apologies can also be appropriate when one needs grace and understanding, or when they recognize their mistakes and genuinely want to improve their actions and relationships. It's important to distinguish appropriate apologies from instances where reassurance-seeking or people-pleasing is involved.
The Impact of Authentic Stories
By using apologies in appropriate and sincere ways, individuals can have more meaningful and authentic interactions. When apologies are used genuinely, both parties involved can feel a greater sense of connection, understanding, and empathy. Authentic apologies foster self-awareness, emotional growth, and more constructive communication, promoting healthier relationships.
Coaching with Brienne Elliott
Brienne Elliott is a business and life coach who supports individuals in various aspects of their personal and professional lives. She offers coaching services to both business and general life clients. Brienne is dedicated to helping individuals understand their minds, find effective solutions, and achieve personal growth. More information about her can be found at brienneelliott.com.
On the latest podcast episode, I had the absolute honor of talking with my business and life coach, Breian Elliott, about the topic of saying sorry.
We’re digging DEEP into why we feel the need to apologize so much when we should be saying sorry, and why it’s detrimental to constantly be in sorry mode.
Spoiler alert: When you’re apologizing and haven’t done anything wrong, you’re actually putting the other person in an uncomfortable position.
Brien’s breaking down the 6 different types of “sorry” we use most often, including the “negative self-image sorry” where we apologize because we’re seeking reassurance.
If you find yourself apologizing for every little thing, this episode will be a game-changer. I know I learned a lot recording it.