What We Get Wrong About Anger + How To Harness Its Full Potential With Dr. Ryan Martin
Aug 23, 2023
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Anger expert Dr. Ryan Martin discusses the purposeful nature of anger and how to harness its potential. Topics include dealing with anger in relationships, helping kids have a healthy relationship with anger, coping with anger about things beyond our control, and strategies for addressing road rage. Dr. Martin also shares insights on identifying and expressing anger, as well as tips for interacting with people who make us angry.
Anger serves a valuable purpose in alerting us to injustices and energizing us to confront them.
When communicating anger in a relationship, it is helpful to take a step back, have calm conversations, and set boundaries to maintain healthy relationships.
To effectively manage anger, gain awareness of its sources, take care of ourselves, embrace relaxation techniques, and differentiate between primary and secondary emotions.
Deep dives
The Purpose of Anger
Anger serves a valuable purpose as it alerts us to possible injustices and energizes us to confront them. It is not inherently good or bad, but rather a source of information about our values and what matters to us. The feeling of anger itself is valuable, but it's important to express it in productive ways and avoid letting it get the best of us.
Dealing with Anger in Relationships
When communicating anger to someone in a relationship, it is helpful to take a step back and have the conversation when both parties are calmer. Staying specific to the incident and avoiding generalizations can lead to more productive discussions. Setting boundaries and expressing how anger affects you can also be effective in maintaining healthy relationships.
Coping Strategies for Anger
In the moment, coping strategies can include having a go-to mantra, counting to three or engaging in grounding techniques. It is also helpful to stay calm yourself when dealing with an angry individual and model that behavior. Avoiding actions like yelling, screaming, or physical aggression, as they can worsen the anger and have long-term negative consequences.
Understanding and Managing Anger
Anger can stem from various sources and situations, and it is important to gain awareness and take steps to address and manage it. One approach is to examine the provocations in our lives and consider the choices we make to invite or avoid certain triggers. Additionally, taking care of ourselves through exercise, healthy sleep, and proper nutrition can have a positive impact on our overall mood. Embracing relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, can also help lower anger levels throughout the day. It is crucial to differentiate between primary and secondary emotions, recognizing that anger can sometimes be a primary emotion in response to a specific situation. Understanding our anger and its underlying causes can enable us to respond more effectively and make better choices in managing this emotion.
The Role of Expectations and Unwritten Rules in Anger
Unmet expectations and conflicting unwritten rules are common triggers of anger. In situations like driving, where there are often ambiguous and differing interpretations of the rules, anger can easily arise. Acknowledging that individuals may have different norms and perspectives can help reduce anger in such scenarios. Acceptance of the fact that others might not follow the same rules we set for ourselves can foster a greater sense of understanding and decreasing anger. It is important to recognize that in social interactions, there will always be diverse viewpoints and interpretations of acceptable behavior. By acknowledging this diversity and focusing on effective communication and understanding, we can navigate these situations with less anger and frustration.
Anger expert Dr. Ryan Martin shares what NOT to do when you’re angry, how to identify where your anger is really coming from, & actionable steps for feeling better in the moment.
the valuable purpose of anger
the trick to making your anger work FOR you
why some people tend more toward anger than others
how parents can help kids have a healthy relationship with anger
how to deal with anger about things that are out of your control (climate change, systemic injustice and inequities, etc)
the time of year that stokes the most anger
the surprising way to fight WAY less with your partner
the best to deal with a partner when THEY’RE angry
how to deal with people you have to interact with regularly that make you angry
signs you might be repressing your anger
what causes road rage + exactly how to deal with it in yourself or someone else