How Your Family History - and Tensions - Affect You At Work
Nov 22, 2023
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In this episode, Kathleen Smith discusses how family dynamics impact behavior and performance at work. Family Systems Theory, overfunctioning as anxious leadership, mindfulness, differentiation, and curiosity as an antidote to anxiety are explored.
Family Systems Theory helps individuals understand their behavior in relationships and operate more effectively in day-to-day life.
Developing differentiation allows individuals to manage automatic reactions, consider alternatives, and foster healthier relationships.
Deep dives
Understanding Family Systems Theory
Family Systems Theory, also known as Bowen Family Systems Theory, provides a lens through which to analyze human behavior and emotional systems. It emphasizes that families and other groups operate as emotional systems, and by observing these systems, individuals can act more thoughtfully and operate more effectively in their day-to-day lives. Family Systems Theory helps depersonalize human behavior and highlights the predictable patterns that people tend to exhibit.
The Role of Differentiation in Relationships
Differentiation of self is a concept within Family Systems Theory that refers to an individual's ability to think and act for themselves while in emotional contact with others. It emphasizes the importance of managing oneself in relationships and not solely focusing on others. Developing differentiation allows individuals to observe their automatic reactions, step back from them, and consider alternative, more flexible ways of responding to challenging situations or individuals. Differentiation empowers individuals to see their own capabilities and the capabilities of others, fostering healthier relationships and mitigating conflict.
Over-Functioning and Anxious Leadership
Over-functioning is a common dynamic within emotional systems where one person takes on excessive responsibility and control, while others become less responsible. Over-functioning leaders tend to be seen as competent and capable, but their strength is often reliant on directing or controlling others. This over-reliance on over-functioning can lead to burnout and limitations in long-term effectiveness. Anxious leadership manifests as increased reliance on emotional processes, such as over-functioning or distancing, to manage anxiety within a system. Developing differentiation and reducing anxious leadership allows leaders to foster more collaborative and effective team dynamics.
The Importance of Curiosity and Self-Evaluation
Curiosity is considered an antidote to anxiety within Family Systems Theory. It involves using the front part of the brain, setting goals, seeking objectivity, and solving problems. Curiosity allows individuals to observe their own thinking and behaviors objectively and to step back from automatic reactions. It also involves evaluating one's own work based on its merits before seeking external validation. By cultivating curiosity, individuals can strengthen their differentiation, be less malleable to others' opinions and moods, and develop a stronger sense of self.
Many in the U.S. this week are celebrating the holiday of Thanksgiving - which, unfortunately for many, can mean difficult conversations with family about money, politics, and even the past. At a time when old habits can re-emerge for people, host Morra Aarons-Mele revisits a conversation with Kathleen Smith about family systems theory. The role we played in our family of origin shapes how we show up as a leader and colleague. Smith is a writer, therapist, and associate faculty member at the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family.
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