In this episode, Brian Parsley, a motivational speaker and co-founder of The Constance Group, dives into the paradox of conflict in sales. He explains how embracing conflict can spur growth when approached with empathy. Parsley emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and combating negative self-talk to regain momentum. Mindfulness techniques are suggested for better communication, including tailoring styles to others and taking a pause before reacting. He also advocates for finding a coach to enhance one's sales strategies and perspectives.
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insights INSIGHT
Three Types of Conflict
There are three types of conflict: me-you, me-job, and me-me.
Me-me conflict, or internal conflict, is the most insidious and often stems from fear or doubt.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Overcoming Internal Conflict
When you recognize negative self-talk, do something difficult on purpose.
This creates a psychological win, releases dopamine, and builds momentum.
insights INSIGHT
Negative Self-Talk
We often speak more negatively to ourselves than we would to any other person.
This negative self-talk can be detrimental to our well-being and success.
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This book by Marshall Goldsmith focuses on helping successful individuals recognize and change the behavioral habits that are holding them back from achieving even greater success. Goldsmith identifies 20 common bad habits, such as speaking when angry or adding too much value, and provides a systematic approach to changing these behaviors. He emphasizes that it is not technical skills but behavioral changes that separate the great from the rest. The book offers practical advice on how to eliminate these dysfunctions and improve interpersonal relationships, which is crucial for advancing in one's career and personal life.
Sales EQ
How Ultra High Performers Leverage Sales-Specific Emotional Intelligence to Close the Complex Deal
Jeb Blount Jr.
In 'Sales EQ', Jeb Blount emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence in sales, highlighting that emotions play a crucial role in decision-making rather than just rational logic. The book explains how top sales performers use four key pillars of Sales EQ: empathy, self-awareness, self-control, and sales drive. It also discusses the alignment of sales, buying, and decision processes, the use of micro-commitments, and the answering of critical questions that stakeholders ask themselves during the sales process. Blount provides practical advice on mastering the psychology of influence and managing emotions to achieve ultra-high sales performance.
Fanatical Prospecting
The Ultimate Guide to Opening Sales Conversations and Filling the Pipeline by Leveraging Social Selling, Telephone, Email, Text, and Cold Calling
Jeb Blount Jr.
Fanatical Prospecting is a detailed guide that explains the importance and methods of prospecting in sales. The book outlines innovative approaches to prospecting, including the use of social media, telephone, email, text messaging, and cold calling. It emphasizes the need for a balanced prospecting methodology to avoid sales slumps and keep the pipeline full of qualified opportunities. Key concepts include the 30-Day Rule, the Law of Replacement, the Law of Familiarity, the 5 C’s of Social Selling, and various frameworks for effective prospecting. The book is designed to help salespeople, sales leaders, entrepreneurs, and executives improve their sales productivity and grow their income by consistently and effectively prospecting[1][3][5].
Insights into embracing conflict, staying mindful, battling internal doubt, and communicating effectively from motivational speaker and co-founder of The Constance Group Brian Parsley.
Key Takeaways
Conflict Isn’t the Enemy: Whether it’s internal (“me-me”) or between you and others, conflict can be a catalyst for growth if handled with empathy and awareness.
Self-Awareness Is Critical: Recognize when you’re slipping into negative self-talk or procrastination. Do one uncomfortable thing on purpose to regain momentum.
Mindfulness Works: A short pause before responding can prevent knee-jerk reactions and help you focus on problem-solving instead of point-scoring.
Communication Styles Differ: Tailor your approach to the other person’s style, and clarify misunderstandings by asking what they actually heard.
Find a Coach or Mentor: Don’t underestimate the value of someone else’s perspective. A coach sees the “swing flaws” in your sales approach that you might never notice on your own.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2049xdXQ5Ac
Why Conflict Is Everywhere in Sales
Sales is an inherently conflict-laden profession. You’re asking people for time and resources, you’re persuading them to make decisions, and you’re often balancing multiple interests—your client’s, your company’s, and your own. The tension stems from:
-- Negotiations with buyers who might have competing priorities.
-- Internal pressures from bosses or teammates who expect certain results.
-- Personal conflicts within yourself — especially if you’re unsure of your own capabilities.
The Three Types of Conflict
Conflict can be broken down into three categories:
Me vs. You Conflict – Disagreements between individuals (customers, peers, bosses).
Me vs. Job Conflict – Situations where your personal values clash with your job role or tasks.
Me vs. Me Conflict – Internal struggles, such as procrastination or fear of failure.
The“me vs. me” conflict might be the most insidious, because it can sabotage your motivation, self-esteem, and willingness to accept feedback.
The “Me-Me” Conflict: Your Biggest Obstacle
Many sales professionals fail because they lose the internal battle with themselves in “me-me” conflict. They know they should spend an extra hour prospecting, turn off the TV a little earlier for a fresh start the next morning, or follow up diligently with new leads. Yet, fear of failure or simple inertia holds them back.
How “Me-Me” Conflict Snowballs
Letting small tasks slip—like hitting the snooze button or blowing off a follow-up call—quickly turns into a domino effect:
You skip a small task or ignore a responsibility.
Guilt or anxiety sets in, making you more emotionally reactive.
This emotional reaction, often anger or irritability, spills over into other areas of your life—leading to more conflict, and sometimes even lower productivity.
Overcoming Internal Doubts Through Awareness
The ultimate tool to combat negative self-talk and “me-me” conflict is awareness. Here’s a simple yet powerful strategy: do something uncomfortable on purpose, like making a difficult prospecting call. By choosing the harder path in small, manageable increments, you train your brain to seek out the dopamine rush of achieving a win. Each small success can become addictive—in the best way—helping you build the self-confidence to tackle bigger challenges.
Practical Tip:
When you notice you’re about to avoid something important—like a call block—stop and say, “This is hard, but I’m doing it anyway.” That small statement of intent can be enough to reset your mindset for action.
Why Self-Talk Shapes Your Sales Results
In sales, negative self-talk is especially damaging because of the constant rejection and fast-paced environment. One bad day can lead to a downward spiral:
-- One lost deal leads to “I’m not good enough.”
-- One tough call leads to “They’ll never buy from me.”
Sales Gravy: Jeb Blount 
