#110: What Healthy Interdependency Looks Like & How to Cultivate It
Sep 19, 2023
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Explore healthy interdependency in relationships, from codependency to hyper-independence. Learn about the signs of healthy interdependency, such as prioritizing each other's needs and finding creative solutions together. Discover the importance of open communication, trust, respect, and commitment in cultivating a healthy relationship.
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Quick takeaways
Healthy interdependency involves valuing each other's needs equally and actively working towards solutions that benefit both partners.
Codependency and hyper-independence are not healthy dynamics to strive for in relationships, as true security involves comfort in relying on others and being relied upon.
Deep dives
Importance of Cultivating Healthy Interdependency in Relationships
Cultivating healthy interdependency in relationships is crucial for secure attachment. It may not come naturally to those with insecure attachment patterns, but it is essential for balanced and mutually caring relationships. The spectrum of relating ranges from codependency to hyper-independence, and the goal is to find the healthy middle ground of interdependence. Codependency involves over-functioning and over-giving in a relationship, while hyper-independence is characterized by avoiding vulnerability and the belief that one doesn't need anyone. Healthy interdependency, on the other hand, focuses on both partners' needs, taking turns being in the support role, playing to respective strengths, and fostering open communication about concerns. It creates an atmosphere of trust, balance, and mutual care.
The Characteristics of Codependency and Hyper-Independence
Codependency is rooted in low self-worth and the belief that one needs to be needed by their partner in order to feel okay. It involves over-giving, over-functioning, and neglecting one's own needs while facilitating under-functioning in the partner. Hyper-independence is characterized by dismissive, avoidant patterns, where a person believes they don't need anyone and should be responsible for their own needs. They may have disdain for perceived neediness and struggle with being supportive. While some may see hyper-independence as secure, true security involves comfort in relying on others and being relied upon. Codependency and hyper-independence are not healthy dynamics to strive for in relationships.
Signs of Healthy Interdependency in Relationships
Healthy interdependency in relationships entails both partners valuing each other's needs equally. It is about nurturing and meeting each other's needs to create a sense of love, care, and respect. This doesn't involve a zero-sum game or sacrificing one person's wellbeing for the other. Both individuals actively work towards finding solutions that benefit them both, rather than compromise in a watered-down version. Healthy interdependency also includes taking turns being in the support role, effectively functioning as a team, playing to respective strengths, and being invested in knowing if something is bothering the other person. There is a culture of trust and openness, allowing conflicts and concerns to be addressed without fear. The overall goal is to maintain fairness, love, connection, and support in the relationship.
In today's episode, we're exploring healthy interdependency. Interdependency is often cited as a key trait of secure functioning relationships, and yet many of us lack a clear picture of what healthy interdependency actually looks and feels like - especially if you have a history of insecure attachment patterns.
We'll cover:
the spectrum from codependency to hyper-independence
interdependency as a healthy middle ground
how different attachment styles relate to codependency, independence and interdependence
signs of healthy interdependency in a relationship
