Episode 206: Making Ethical Non-Monogamy Work

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Jul 14, 2023

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INSIGHT

Ethical Non-Monogamy Assumption

Non-monogamy should be assumed ethical like monogamy, without needing qualifiers like "ethical" or "consensual."
Ethical non-monogamy requires honest communication, consent, boundary setting, and respecting partners equally.

INSIGHT

Unicorn Hunting Complexities

"Unicorn hunting" often involves couples seeking a third to date both, complicating relationships with competing dynamics.
Such setups require nurturing multiple relationships, making equality and consent crucial to avoid selfish or entitled behavior.

ADVICE

Avoid One Penis Policy

Avoid the "One Penis Policy" where a partner restricts bisexual partner's dating to only women.
Such policies often reflect insecurity and disrespect bisexual autonomy and identity.

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In recent years, the term “ethical non-monogamy” has gone mainstream. But what does it actually mean to be ethically non-monogamous? That’s what we’re going to be talking about today. We’re also going to explore some common myths and misconceptions about it, tips for making ethically non-monogamous relationships work, as well as red flags to look out for.

I am joined once again by Leanne Yau, also known as Poly Philia. She is a polyamory educator and sex-positive social media influencer, creating and curating humorous and educational memes, tips, videos, and other bite-size content on non-monogamy, queer relationships, and sex positivity. She was named #1 in Cosmopolitan’s “10 Polyamory Experts to Follow on TikTok.” She is currently in training to become a polyamory-friendly therapist.

Some of the topics we discuss in this episode include:

What does it mean for non-monogamy to be “ethical?”
What do the terms “one-penis policy” and “unicorn hunting” mean? And why are they red flags in the world of non-monogamy?
How can an overemphasis on fairness lead to a competitive dynamic in polyamory?
Can polyamory be ethical regardless of whether it’s hierarchical or non-hierarchical?
How can individuals establish healthy and workable non-monogamy agreements?

Make sure to check out Leanne’s website, and connect with her on Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok to learn more.

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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.