Decoding Doing is a book co-authored by Jonathan Hassall and Madeline O'Reilly that focuses on helping individuals with ADHD manage procrastination. The book offers a 5-stage model to understand and solve procrastination, emphasizing the importance of understanding what drives action and creates motivation. It addresses key stages of achieving, such as imagining, visualizing, and organizing tasks, and provides strategies to adapt to the complexities of ADHD performance. The authors draw on their expertise in ADHD coaching and clinical psychology to provide practical advice on overcoming procrastination and staying motivated.
Imagine two people standing on opposite sides of a canyon. One, tethered to the rhythms of neurotypical expectation—cause and effect, action and consequence—a world in which forgotten keys are just that: forgotten keys. The other, moving through a landscape of impulsivity, of fractured attention, of a thousand micro-failures that feel, at times, like an existential indictment. They love each other. They try to reach across the chasm. But the bridge they need is invisible.
This week on The ADHD Podcast, Pete Wright and Nikki Kinzer embark on a three-part exploration into ADHD and relationships. Their guide this first week: Jonathan Hassall, an ADHD and executive function coach with a background in psychiatric nursing and ADHD research. Jonathan has spent years decoding the paradoxes that arise when ADHD meets the relentless machinery of relationships.
Why do partners of those with ADHD feel unheard? Why does an innocuous comment about condiments over lunch spiral into a silent war? Why do people with ADHD sometimes feel like perpetual disappointments in the eyes of those they love? And is there a way—a real, tangible way—to undo the corrosive misunderstandings that accumulate over years, even decades?
Jonathan argues that the real problem isn’t ADHD itself. It’s adaptation—or rather, the failure to adapt. The rules of engagement in relationships often assume a kind of neurological symmetry that simply doesn’t exist when one or both partners have ADHD. And when partners misinterpret behavior—when forgetfulness looks like indifference, when emotional reactivity looks like hostility—the result is a slow erosion of trust.
But what if there were another way? A way to recalibrate, to assume goodwill, to dismantle the myths and rebuild a foundation not on correction, but on understanding? From the science of emotional regulation to the power of a single moment of grace, Pete, Nikki, and Jonathan dissect the anatomy of ADHD relationships and ask the most fundamental question of all: What does it take to be truly seen?
Links & Resources:
- (00:00) - Welcome to The ADHD Podcast
- (01:00) - Support the Show on Discord, Socials and Patreon!
- (01:58) - Introducing Jonathan Hassall
- (02:54) - ADHD & Relationships
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