the bossbabe podcast 484: The Real Reasons Successful Women Struggle with Intimacy with Sex Therapists Vanessa & Xander
Sep 25, 2025
In this engaging discussion, licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin and her husband, co-host Xander Marin, tackle the intimacy struggles of high-achieving women. They explore how perfectionism and the mental load diminish desire. With practical tools like transition rituals and the 'Get Intimate' method—focused on gratitude, eye contact, and touch—they offer straightforward steps to rekindle connections. They also address the impact of changing gender roles and provide insights to make household responsibilities fairer, helping couples feel more seen and connected.
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Success Doesn’t Equal Sexual Ease
- High-achieving women often excel everywhere except intimacy because of cultural misinformation and taboo around sex.
- Vanessa Marin emphasizes that even sex therapists struggled personally, showing this is widespread.
Use Transition Rituals
- Create short transition rituals to shift from work mode to connection mode before intimacy.
- Xander advises scheduling a pause so you can relax and become receptive instead of immediately performing.
Two-Part Sixty-Second Reset
- Spend 60 seconds to come back to yourself, then 60 seconds to connect with your partner using simple acts.
- Vanessa suggests deep breaths, a quick dance, or a question to shift energy without needing hours.
