Big Think

Why loneliness feels so real, even when it’s not | Kasley Killam

Oct 7, 2025
Kasley Killam, author of *The Art and Science of Connection*, explores the stigma of loneliness and its real implications on social health. She shares how loneliness acts as a vital signal of unmet needs rather than a personal flaw. Kasley highlights the neurological and emotional ties between relationships and mental well-being. She emphasizes self-compassion and the power of vulnerability in building meaningful connections. Cultural influences on loneliness are discussed, revealing how societal norms shape our experiences and health outcomes.
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INSIGHT

Loneliness Is A Learned Perception

  • Society teaches us to see being alone as a character flaw, shaping early beliefs about likability and belonging.
  • Those beliefs change how we think and behave in social settings, deepening isolation.
INSIGHT

Guarded Behavior Fuels Social Failure

  • Feeling disconnected makes people guarded, anxious, and hypervigilant in interactions which changes outcomes negatively.
  • Those defensive behaviors can create self-fulfilling social failure by repelling others.
INSIGHT

Self-Trust Unlocks Connection

  • Believing others will like you and having self-trust makes you more open and receptive in social moments.
  • That openness promotes meaningful relationships and helps overcome loneliness.
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