Why loneliness feels so real, even when it’s not | Kasley Killam

From a young age, we’re taught that being alone means something’s wrong with us 😔 — that the person sitting by themselves is a *loner*. We absorb this belief early, and it shapes how we see others… and ourselves.

But here’s the truth:

🔍 **Loneliness isn’t a flaw — it’s a signal.**

It’s not *who* you are. It’s *what* you need. 🧭

👋 I’m Kasley Killam, author of *The Art and Science of Connection* and an expert in **social health** — the often-overlooked third pillar of wellness, alongside physical 🏃 and mental health 🧠.

When we feel lonely:

- 🤯 We overthink social situations

- 😟 We assume people won’t like us

- 🛡️ We enter interactions guarded

That mindset creates a loop:

🔁 Negative belief → anxious behavior → shallow connection

But it can go the other way too:

💪 Self-trust → openness → meaningful relationships 🤝

🧘‍♀️ **Self-compassion meditation** can help.

It’s about redirecting the love you give others — toward *yourself*.

That inner safety helps you become more vulnerable, and research shows vulnerability builds **trust and emotional intimacy**. 💞

🌍 Culture also plays a role:

- In *individualistic* societies, people feel lonelier 😶‍🌫️, but have more freedom to branch out 🌱

- In *collectivist* cultures, loneliness clashes with expectations — leading to poorer health outcomes ⚠️

And yes, loneliness affects the body:

- 🧬 Raises cortisol

- 🔥 Increases inflammation

- 🛡️ Weakens the immune system

Want to reconnect? Try this:

✅ Help someone

✅ Volunteer

✅ Show up for others (and yourself) 💗

Your social life literally rewires your brain 🧠⚡

It shapes how you process pain, respond to stress, and experience joy 🎉

💡 **Loneliness is just one sign of poor social health.**

Whether you feel it or not —

👉 *everyone* needs connection

👉 *everyone* should prioritize their social well-being

And it all starts with the most important connection of all:

✨ The one you have with yourself 💖

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