181: How To Get The Relationship You Deserve

29 snips

Jan 9, 2026

Discover why people-pleasing and conflict avoidance can lead to emotional disconnection in relationships. Explore fawning as a trauma response and its impact on your dating life. Learn about the importance of genuine boundaries and how the willingness to leave can foster authentic connections. Sabrina delves into anxious attachment and the need for self-check-ins to combat self-abandonment. Healthy conflict is highlighted as a key to intimacy, while practical steps are offered to help you build the courage to walk away when necessary.

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INSIGHT

Willingness To Leave Enables Real Choice

People who find the healthiest relationships are willing to leave, not simply the most loving.
Inability to walk away blocks honesty, visibility, and genuine selection by partners.

ANECDOTE

First Date Honesty That Set The Tone

On her first date with Ryan, Sabrina set boundaries by saying she didn't do casual sex and wanted intentional dating.
He found her honesty attractive because she wasn't afraid to lose him but feared losing herself.

INSIGHT

People-Pleasing Is A Trauma Response

People-pleasing often functions as a trauma response called fawning rather than genuine love.
Fawning sacrifices needs, rights, and boundaries to keep perceived safety in relationships.

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Why do people who “try the hardest” in relationships often end up feeling unseen, resentful, or stuck in situationships? In this episode, Sabrina breaks down how people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, and anxious attachment patterns quietly sabotage intimacy. Drawing from psychology, attachment theory, and trauma research, she explains why fawning is not love but a nervous-system survival response, and how suppressing your needs leads to emotional disconnection, resentment, and unhealthy power dynamics in dating and relationships.

This episode dives deep into boundaries, self-abandonment, and why being willing to walk away is the most underrated relationship skill no one teaches you. Sabrina explores how fear of abandonment, low self-worth, and childhood conditioning keep people stuck accepting breadcrumbs, avoiding conflict, and performing for love. If you’re struggling with anxious attachment, people-pleasing, situationships, or feeling lonely inside a relationship, this conversation offers neuroscience-backed insight and practical tools to help you stop losing yourself and start building secure, authentic connection.

If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step HERE!

If you’re serious about changing your dating patterns instead of repeating them, the Art of Going Slow course helps you unlearn urgency, regulate your nervous system, and build real connection without rushing, chasing, or abandoning yourself HERE!

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Chapters

0:00 Why Being “Too Loving” Is Blocking Real Connection

2:10 People-Pleasing Isn’t Love, It’s a Trauma Response

5:10 Fawning, Anxious Attachment, and Self-Abandonment

8:20 Why the “Cool Girl / Easy Partner” Always Loses

11:30 Conflict Avoidance Is Quietly Killing Your Relationships

15:10 The Psychology of Power: Why Being Willing to Leave Matters

18:40 How Fear of Abandonment Keeps You Accepting Breadcrumbs

22:10 What Secure Relationships Actually Look Like (Repair Over Perfection)

26:00 How to Stop Self-Abandoning and Start Speaking Up

30:10 Tool of the Week: The Self-Abandonment Check-In

Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formerly known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity.

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