Michael Bungay Stanier, an acclaimed author and founder of Box of Crayons, dives into the art of nurturing peer relationships. He emphasizes the importance of initiating authentic dialogues with thoughtful responses to five key questions. By framing these as ‘keystone conversations,’ he illustrates how they can transform workplace dynamics. Michael also discusses the power of vulnerability and preparation in building strong connections, urging leaders to cultivate meaningful conversations that foster collaboration and trust.
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Initiating Keystone Conversations
Prepare answers to the Keystone Conversation questions beforehand.
Starting these conversations shows commitment to strong working relationships.
insights INSIGHT
Structured Approach to Peer Relationships
Keystone Conversations, while requiring bravery, offer a structured roadmap for peer interactions.
This structure facilitates a starting point and momentum for building relationships intentionally.
insights INSIGHT
Understanding "Best"
"What's your best?" differs from "What are you good at?".
It explores peak performance states where individuals shine and experience flow.
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Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever
Michael Bungay Stanier
In 'The Coaching Habit,' Michael Bungay Stanier provides a straightforward and effective approach to coaching. Drawing on his extensive experience training managers worldwide, he introduces seven essential coaching questions designed to help managers unlock their team's potential. These questions include the Kickstart Question, the AWE Question, the Lazy Question, the Strategic Question, the Focus Question, the Foundation Question, and the Learning Question. The book emphasizes the importance of saying less and asking more, fostering a collaborative and empowering work environment. It combines practical advice with research in neuroscience and behavioral economics, making coaching a daily, informal part of managerial work rather than a formal event.
How to Stop Worrying and Start Living
Dale Carnegie
In 'How to Stop Worrying and Start Living', Dale Carnegie provides a set of practical formulas and techniques to help readers overcome their worry habits. The book, first published in 1948, has been updated and remains highly relevant today. It offers advice on how to eliminate business and financial worries, avoid fatigue, improve sleep, and cultivate a mental attitude that brings peace and happiness. Carnegie's approach includes rules such as living in 'day-tight compartments', accepting the worst-case scenario, and keeping busy to crowd out worry. The book is filled with inspiring examples and stories of people who have successfully applied these principles to achieve a more enjoyable and fulfilling life.
How to Work with (Almost) Anyone
Michael Bungay-Stanier
End Malaria
End Malaria
Bold Innovation, Limitless Generosity, and the Opportunity to Save a Life
Seth Godin
Michael Bungay-Stanier
End Malaria is a collaborative project between Michael Bungay Stanier and Seth Godin, featuring contributions from over 60 authors. The book is a stylish collection of short essays focused on bold innovation and limitless generosity, with the goal of raising funds to combat malaria. All revenue from the book went to Malaria No More, raising $400,000.
Michael Bungay Stanier: How to Work with (Almost) Anyone
Michael Bungay Stanier is the author of eight books, including The Coaching Habit, which has sold more than a million copies and is the best-selling book on coaching this century. Most recently he wrote How to Begin, and back in 2011 he created and edited End Malaria, a book written in partnership with Seth Godin that raised more than $400k for Malaria No More.
Michael is the founder Box of Crayons, a learning and development company that’s trained thousands of people around the world to be more coach-like. He has been featured in many publications including Harvard Business Review, Forbes, and Fast Company. His TEDx Talk on Taming Your Advice Monster has been viewed more than a million times. Michael's newest book is How to Work with (Almost) Anyone: Building the Best Possible Relationship*.
Most leaders recognize the critical nature of healthy, peer relationships. Yet, few leaders lay an intentional foundation for success as those relationships start. In this episode, Michael and I discuss how to start with peers using the five questions in a Keystone Conversation.
Key Points
Nobody really like to say hello but everyone likes to be greeted. Make a decision to be the person that begins.
Preparing thoughtful responses to the five questions in a Keystone Conversation will help you come to a dialogue in an authentic and vulnerable way.
The responses themselves aren’t as critical as the process itself. By entering into a keystone conversation, you are laying the foundation for future dialogue and the best possible relationship.
The five questions of a Keystone Conversation:
The Amplify Question: What’s your best?
The Steady Question: What are your practices and preferences?
The Good Date Question: What can you learn from successful past relationships?
The Bad Date Question: What can you learn from frustrating past relationships?
The Repair Question: How will you fix it when things go wrong?
Resources Mentioned
Preorder Michael’s book at bestpossiblerelationship.com
Bonus audio: Michael’s process for writing this book (12 minutes)
Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
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How to Start a Big Leadership Role, with Carol Kauffman (episode 617)
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