James Sexton, a divorce lawyer, shares insights on making love last by discussing the five types of infidelity, common sources of conflict in marriage, and the importance of attention and communication. He emphasizes the value of maintaining small connections and meeting each other's needs to prevent major issues. The podcast also explores the role of money in causing marital conflict and the importance of honesty and open communication about finances.
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Quick takeaways
Maintaining an active and vigilant connection with your partner through small gestures and regular communication can help prevent infidelity.
When there is a mismatch in sexual desires or preferences, open communication becomes crucial.
Money can be a major source of marital conflict, rooted in trust and communication.
Deep dives
Maintaining Connection to Prevent Infidelity
Maintaining an active and vigilant connection with your partner through small gestures and regular communication can help prevent infidelity. Paying attention to the small things, such as leaving a note or showing gratitude, can build happiness and goodwill between partners. Creating intimacy and avoiding disconnect in the relationship is key.
Addressing Mismatched Sexual Needs
When there is a mismatch in sexual desires or preferences, open communication becomes crucial. Partners can have honest conversations about their needs and explore compromises. If a compromise cannot be reached, individuals must decide whether to go without their needs being met or potentially seek fulfillment elsewhere.
The Importance of Sex in a Marriage
Sex is a vital aspect of a romantic relationship that sets a couple apart from being merely roommates or co-parents. It is important to prioritize and maintain a satisfying sexual connection to foster marital satisfaction and intimacy.
Mutual Submission and Compromise
Promoting mutual submission in a marriage entails considering and meeting the needs of both partners. This involves taking turns in compromising and finding ways to fulfill each other's desires and maintain a satisfying sexual relationship.
Maintaining a healthy marriage
In a healthy marriage, both partners prioritize understanding each other's wants and needs. This involves taking turns in fulfilling those needs and being open to exploring different roles within the relationship. Being submissive in certain aspects, such as deferring decision-making or showing trust, can strengthen the bond between partners. It is crucial to create a culture where each partner feels comfortable expressing their dominant or submissive sides without shame.
Money and marriage
Money can be a major source of marital conflict, rooted in trust and communication. Open discussions about finances are essential to build trust and address potential issues. Couples should consider maintaining separate as well as joint accounts to maintain a certain level of autonomy. This allows each partner to make individual financial decisions while still being transparent about shared expenses. Regular check-ins regarding the financial situation and mutual agreements on spending limits can help prevent misunderstandings and build a strong financial foundation in the marriage.
If you want insight on how to make love last, you might ask friends, family, a therapist, or a pastor for advice. You probably wouldn't think to turn to a divorce lawyer. But my guest, James Sexton, who does that very job in New York City, says there may be few people who have a better perspective on how to hold a marriage together, than the guy who's got a front row seat to how they fall apart.
James is the author of If You're in My Office, It's Already Too Late: A Divorce Lawyer's Guide to Staying Together, and today on the show he shares what he's learned from overseeing over a thousand divorces that you can use to reverse engineer a relationship that lasts. We discuss the five types of infidelity James sees in his practice and the approach to marriage that will prevent affairs. We then get into common sources of conflict in a marriage, including sex, finances, and kids, and how to address these issues so you never end up in James', or any other divorce lawyer's, office.