Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a world-leading expert on narcissism, joins Mel Robbins to discuss how to identify and handle narcissists. They explore personality traits to look for, love bombing in relationships, the link between narcissism and trauma, and the impact of childhood trauma on developing a narcissistic personality style.
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Quick takeaways
The myth that narcissism is associated solely with men is debunked, as research shows both men and women can exhibit narcissistic traits and behaviors.
There is a subtype of vulnerable narcissism characterized by feelings of inadequacy, envy, and victimhood, challenging the notion that all narcissists are grandiose and confident.
Narcissism can present as a maladaptive personality style, not necessarily meeting the clinical criteria for a disorder, highlighting the importance of distinguishing narcissistic traits from a full-blown disorder.
Narcissists are not completely devoid of empathy; they may display variable levels of empathy depending on self-interests, debunking the belief that narcissists are completely incapable of feeling empathy.
Deep dives
Myth: Narcissistic people are always men
One common myth about narcissism is that it is primarily associated with men. However, research shows that narcissism is not limited to any particular gender. Both men and women can exhibit narcissistic traits and behaviors.
Myth: Narcissistic people are always grandiose and confident
Another misconception about narcissism is that all narcissistic individuals are grandiose and highly confident. While some narcissists may display these traits, there is also a subtype of vulnerable narcissism characterized by feelings of inadequacy, envy, and victimhood.
Myth: Narcissism is always a disorder
Contrary to popular belief, narcissism is not always a diagnosable personality disorder. It can also manifest as a maladaptive personality style, which may not meet the clinical criteria for a disorder. It is important to differentiate between narcissistic traits and a full-blown disorder.
Myth: Narcissistic people cannot feel empathy
The notion that narcissistic individuals are completely incapable of feeling empathy is not entirely accurate. While they may struggle with empathy and display variable levels of it, it is important to recognize that narcissists are capable of displaying empathy in certain situations, particularly when it benefits them or aligns with their self-interests.
Narcissism exists in different forms
Narcissism can take various forms, including grandiose narcissism, vulnerable narcissism, malignant narcissism, communal narcissism, and more. These different types showcase different traits and behaviors, ranging from grandiosity and manipulative tendencies to a need for admiration and a desire to be seen as a savior.
Debunking common myths about narcissism
The podcast challenges two common myths about narcissism. First, it dispels the belief that narcissism is solely associated with men, explaining that gender plays a role, but individuals of all genders can exhibit narcissistic traits. Second, it highlights that narcissism goes beyond mere arrogance or bragging, and includes entitlement, manipulation, and other complex behaviors that may not be immediately apparent.
Understanding the patterns of narcissistic behavior
The podcast explores the different patterns exhibited by narcissists, such as love bombing, domination, and dimmer patterns. Love bombing involves intense and excessive attention and affection at the beginning of a relationship to win someone over. Domination patterns revolve around seeking power and control, while dimmer patterns involve dismissiveness, invalidation, manipulation, entitlement, and rage. Understanding these patterns can help individuals recognize and navigate narcissistic relationships.
If you want to know how to protect yourself from a narcissist, you first have to know how to identify one.
You’ll learn the top 10 personality traits to look for, how to handle a narcissist in your life (that you can’t avoid), the difference between ‘love bombing’ and infatuation, and a whole lot more.
Joining Mel today is Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and one of the world’s leading experts on narcissism.
Her mastery of all things narcissism has made her the #1 most requested guest on The Mel Robbins Podcast.
Dr. Ramani has been researching this topic for over 20 years and is here to give you the wisdom, practical advice, and well-researched tools and tricks to navigate what is one of the most unpredictable experiences: being in a relationship with a narcissist.
According to Dr. Ramani, 1 in 5 people has narcissist traits, which means you know (and may love) someone who is a narcissist. After you listen, you’ll know what to do.
For more resources, including links to Dr. Ramani’s book, website, and social media platforms, click here for the podcast episode page.