How To Make Your Relationships Exceptional | Carole Robin and David Bradford
Mar 5, 2025
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Carole Robin and David Bradford, experts in leadership from Stanford, share insights from their renowned 'Touchy-Feely' course. They discuss the six hallmarks of exceptional relationships and how emotional honesty can transform connections. The importance of asking 'how am I feeling?' and 'how are you feeling?' is emphasized to improve communication. They explore navigating conflict as a growth opportunity and the necessity of mindfulness in relationships, especially in a remote world, promoting the benefits of their book, "Connect."
Developing interpersonal hygiene is crucial for fostering authentic relationships and enhancing emotional well-being in personal and professional circles.
Vulnerability, exemplified by the '15% rule,' allows deeper connections as individuals share beyond comfort zones, promoting reciprocal openness.
Constructive conflict resolution transforms disagreements into opportunities for growth, emphasizing the importance of open communication and emotional awareness in relationships.
Deep dives
The Importance of Social Connection
Human beings are inherently social creatures, needing connection for survival and emotional well-being. Despite this, many individuals lack the skills necessary for forming healthy relationships, often referred to as 'interpersonal hygiene' or social fitness. The discussion emphasizes that very few are actually taught how to effectively communicate and cooperate within their personal and professional circles. This gap in interpersonal skills is significant, as improving these abilities can lead to better interactions at work and in everyday life.
Learning from Stanford's Interpersonal Dynamics Course
The Interpersonal Dynamics course at Stanford Graduate School of Business, affectionately labeled 'touchy-feely' by students, focuses on building authentic relationships. The unique approach includes putting students into small groups where they can observe and receive feedback on their interpersonal interactions. This experiential learning fosters deeper understanding and discussion on handling conflict, giving honest feedback, and being vulnerable. Alumni report that the skills learned in this course have lasting impacts, positively influencing their relationships long after graduation.
Vulnerability and Trust in Relationships
Vulnerability is highlighted as a crucial aspect of building trust in relationships. The speakers recommend the '15% rule', encouraging individuals to share slightly beyond their comfort zone to foster a reciprocal openness. This careful and gradual disclosure can lead to stronger connections, as people tend to respond to vulnerability with their own. By sharing relevant thoughts and feelings, individuals can create a safe environment that fosters deeper understanding and empathy.
Navigating Conflict Effectively
Conflict can be approached as an opportunity for growth rather than a barrier in relationships. The speakers advocate for acknowledging and facing conflicts as signs that something important needs addressing. They emphasize open communication around feelings, which allows for better problem-solving and a deeper understanding of one another. By promoting constructive dialogue about emotional reactions, individuals can navigate disagreements productively and strengthen their relationships.
Taking Risks in Interpersonal Interactions
Building exceptional relationships requires a willingness to take interpersonal risks. Engaging authentically may entail stepping outside comfort zones, but this is essential for growth and understanding in any relationship. The speakers suggest that while conflict may feel daunting, it often leads to meaningful connections if approached with curiosity and honesty. By embracing vulnerability, effective communication, and a willingness to learn from each interaction, individuals can cultivate stronger and more fulfilling relationships.
Secrets from the massively popular Stanford business school course on interpersonal hygiene.
Carole Robin and David Bradford taught the most popular elective course at the Stanford Graduate School of Business for a combined total of 75 years. Officially, the name of the course is Interpersonal Dynamics, but everybody calls it “Touchy-Feely.” Together they have written the new book, Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues.
We dive into the six hallmarks of what they call “exceptional relationships,” how to be honest and vulnerable without overdoing it, why the questions “how am I feeling?” and “how are you feeling?” are central to improving our communication, the inevitability of risk when you set out to deepen a relationship, and why meditation is helpful in all of this.