This Tantric Life with Layla Martin

What To Do When Your Childhood Trauma Is Hijacking Your Relationship

Nov 16, 2025
Guest
Shay Aiyana
Join Shay Aiyana, bestselling author and founder of the Rising Woman community, as she reveals how childhood trauma influences adult relationships and why we often attract partners who mirror our wounds. She discusses the limits of a partner's ability to heal deep-seated issues and the importance of mutual growth. Delve into red flags of toxic dynamics, the significance of self-soothing, and ancestral trauma's impact on love. Shay inspires listeners to embrace self-compassion, celebrate small shifts, and reconnect with joy through creative practices.
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INSIGHT

Childhood Wounds Shape Adult Attachment

  • Early childhood abandonment and foster care profoundly shape adult attachment and relationship behavior.
  • Shay Aiyana shows these wounds create feelings of being broken that unconsciously steer partner choices and tests of safety.
INSIGHT

We Both Attract And Provoke Familiar Patterns

  • People not only attract familiar partners but also provoke familiar behaviors to 'close a loop.'
  • This provocation often unconsciously tests whether love and safety will hold steady over time.
INSIGHT

The ‘Toddler’ Inside Expects A Parent

  • A young part of us expects partners to parent or save us, creating unrealistic demands.
  • Those dynamics trigger complementary defenses (pursuit vs. withdrawal) that escalate relationship dysfunction.
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