Standards vs. Realistic Expectations in Partner Selection

Shownotes

• Take your business to the next level with my ⁠FREE VITA Coaching Checklist⁠

• How Shay's childhood taught her the impact trauma has on adult relationships

• Why we have a tendency to draw in partners who are a perfect match for our wound

• How to know if you're in a dead end dynamic in your relationship

• The one question Shay asks herself when her inner saboteur comes up

• The importance of loving your parts so they don't hijack you in destructive ways

Bio

Shay Aiyana is the best-selling author of Becoming the One and the founder of Rising Woman, a global community dedicated to self-healing, relational transformation, and spiritual embodiment. Her work blends somatic awareness, inner child healing, and grounded spiritual insight to guide millions through the landscapes of heartbreak, love, and personal rebirth.

With a writing style that is both poetic and piercingly clear, Shay weaves personal storytelling with practical tools to offer readers a deeply human, emotionally resonant experience. Her words are a balm for those who have been lost in self-abandonment, teaching them how to come home to themselves with compassion and truth.

Having grown up in foster care and overcome cycles of abuse, addiction, and heartbreak, Shay's teachings are not theoretical – they are lived. Through Rising Woman, she has helped millions remember that healing is not about becoming someone else, but about reclaiming the love, power, and wholeness that was always theirs.

Learn more about Shay's work on the ⁠Rising Woman website⁠ and follow her on Instagram ⁠@sheleanaaiyana⁠

Timestamps

00:00:00 - Take your business to the next level with my ⁠FREE VITA Coaching Checklist ⁠

00:00:59 - Discover the ⁠VITA™ Sex, Love and Relationship Coaching Certification ⁠

00:02:29 - Guest introduction

00:04:39 - How Shay's childhood taught her the impact trauma has on adult relationships

00:07:30 - Why we have a tendency to draw in partners who are a perfect match for our wound

00:09:26 - How raising a child has helped Shay recognize adult attachment behaviors

00:13:01 - There are different levels of the expression of your wounds

00:17:04 - Why attachment and trauma wounds need to heal through relationships

00:21:24 - What is a healthy amount of healing that can be done in a relationship?

00:23:14 - How to know if you're in a dead end dynamic in your relationship

00:27:01 - A conversation that taught Shay she wasn't the partner she thought she was

00:29:31 - What it looks like to let your partner off the hook but still be self-responsible

00:32:14 - Get 2 FREE stick packs of ⁠MOOD SEX MAGIC™ Elixir⁠ using code PODCAST at checkout

00:36:03 - How changing your self-approach to "I've got you little one" shifts everything

00:40:52 - How being honest about your hurt in the moment improves your relationship

00:46:30 - How bringing "death energy" to her husband deepened Shay's marriage

00:49:49 - The one question Shay asks herself when her inner saboteur comes up

00:52:31 - A breakdown of Shay's first book, Becoming the One

00:56:52 - Layla's biggest takeaway from this powerful conversation

01:01:43 - True mastery is loving your parts so they don't hijack you in destructive ways

01:04:40 - 4 pieces of wisdom Shay used to create a better life than she was born into

01:06:38 - Conclusion