Modern Wisdom #1020 - Jessica Baum - Why We Fall for the Wrong People
6 snips
Nov 15, 2025 
Jessica Baum, a psychotherapist and relationship expert, dives into the complexities of feeling safe in relationships. She explores how childhood experiences shape our attachments and why anxious and avoidant partners are often drawn to each other. Baum discusses the signs of feeling unsafe, protection strategies people adopt, and the difference between healthy independence and disconnection. She shares practical healing methods and emphasizes the importance of vulnerability in building trust and intimacy.
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Safety Is Socially Built
- Safety is feeling connected, relaxed, and supported by others, not just an internal state.
- Jessica Baum: external support lets you internalize safety and expand your window of tolerance.
Name And Soften Your Protectors
- Notice compulsive behaviors (work, alcohol, internet) that distance you from feelings and serve as protectors.
- Begin to replace repeated avoidance with small steps of feeling and processing instead of instant escape.
Independence Can Be Disembodiment
- Cultural praise for independence pushes people into left-hemisphere, task-focused living and disconnection.
- This left-shift creates chronic sympathetic activation, disembodiment, and an epidemic of loneliness.
