Chodo Robert Campbell, a Zen teacher and bereavement specialist, and Koshin Paley Ellison, a Zen teacher and Jungian psychotherapist, join Dr. Bianca Harris for an enlightening conversation. They explore how early childhood trauma impacts relationships and emphasize understanding your partner’s emotional needs. The trio humorously discuss the role of laughter in addressing tough topics, decision-making dynamics, and the importance of emotional vulnerability. Insights from their work in contemplative care provide depth to navigating love and personal growth.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Unilateral Plan-Making
Koshin Paley Ellison finds Dan Harris's unilateral plan-making frustrating, similar to experiences with her partner.
She explains that surprises and changes can be triggering due to her childhood experiences, emphasizing the importance of agency and consultation.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Email Forwarding
Early in their marriage, Dan Harris would forward emails to Bianca Harris, saying she would handle it.
This initially felt like a dismissal of her time but later she understood it as an invitation to partnership.
volunteer_activism ADVICE
Establish Rules
In relationships, establish clear rules and communicate explicitly.
Asking permission and confirming plans can prevent misunderstandings and maintain healthy boundaries.
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Awake at the Bedside is not a book about dying, but about life and what it teaches us. It focuses on caring and the true meaning of giving care. Edited by Koshin Paley Ellison and Matt Weingast, the book includes contributions from pioneers in palliative and end-of-life care, doctors, chaplains, caregivers, and poets. It provides practical insights and personal accounts to inspire, counsel, and teach, making it an indispensable resource for anyone involved in hospice work or caregiving. The book addresses essential questions about death, dying, and the current practices in palliative care, while emphasizing the importance of love, compassion, and presence in caregiving.
Wholehearted
Slow Down, Help Out, Wake Up
Sensei Koshin Paley Ellison
In this book, Koshin Paley Ellison offers a contemporary interpretation of Zen Buddhist precepts, encouraging readers to slow down, help out, and wake up to their true potential. The book is filled with personal anecdotes, quotes, and reflective questions that help readers identify and overcome mental habits that may be hurting themselves and others. It focuses on developing courage, open-heartedness, and compassion in relationships and enriching one's own life through personal transformation. Each chapter ends with contemplations to integrate the teachings into daily life, making it a practical and inspiring manual for personal growth and change.
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Sir Michael Howard
A candid, useful, and hilarious conversation.
Chodo Robert Campbell Sensei is a Zen teacher, bereavement specialist, grief counselor and a recognized leader for those suffering with the complexities of death & dying, aging, and sobriety. The educational non-profit he co-founded, the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care, touches thousands of lives every year through its numerous educational programs, contemplative retreats, and Soto Zen Buddhist practices. Chodo has been featured in the New York Times, PBS, CBS Sunday Morning and other media outlets.
Koshin Paley Ellison is an author, Zen teacher, Jungian psychotherapist, leader in contemplative care, and co-founder of an educational non-profit called the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care. His books, grounded in Buddhist wisdom and practice, have gained national attention. Through its numerous educational programs, contemplative retreats, and Soto Zen Buddhist practices, the New York Zen Center touches thousands of lives every year. Koshin has appeared on dozens of podcasts and his work has been featured in the New York Times, PBS, CBS Sunday Morning and other media outlets.
In this episode we talk about:
We get really real on the role of early childhood trauma and how that can show up in our relationships
The importance of understanding your partner’s operating manual and how to come up with rules of the road
The role of humor in relationships—how it can be used to successfully name the difficult parts of our partner’s personality—and how that can go wrong
Why it’s important to do your own work outside of your relationship—in therapy and meditation or whatever is useful to you
And the value of learning to be uncomfortable… together
10% Happier with Dan Harris 
