Common Misconceptions About Secure Attachment - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 478
Dec 19, 2023
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Jayson Gaddis and Ellen Boeder debunk common misconceptions about secure attachment in romantic relationships. They discuss differentiating between infatuation and secure attachment, the timeframe for developing secure attachment, and the challenges faced during the early stages of a divorced couple's relationship. Additionally, they emphasize the importance of personalized relationships and finding a partner who wants the same type of relationship. The podcast also explores the principles of secure functioning relationships, the significance of sensitivity and collaboration, and the role of creativity in maintaining a secure attachment.
Secure attachment takes time and involves working through conflict and challenges.
Aligning relationship expectations and co-creating a form that works for both partners is crucial for secure attachment.
Deep dives
Misconceptions About Secure Attachment
In this podcast episode, the speaker discusses common misconceptions about secure attachment in relationships. He shares an example of a friend who believed he was in a securely attached relationship after just six months, but the speaker explains that the honeymoon stage and infatuation often get confused with secure attachment. The speaker emphasizes that true secure attachment takes time and involves working through conflict and challenges. He explains that attachment systems come online after the honeymoon stage, and it requires building a foundation of trust and effective conflict resolution to earn a securely attached adult relationship.
Misalignment in Relationship Expectations
Another example discussed in the podcast is a couple who wanted different types of relationships. One partner was pushing for a securely attached relationship and had done extensive studying on the topic, while the other partner needed more time and flexibility to navigate post-divorce life. The speaker highlights the importance of aligning relationship expectations and co-creating a form that works for both partners. He explains that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to secure attachment and that each relationship can be unique as long as both partners feel good about it and collaborate in meeting each other's needs.
The Importance of Collaboration and Personalization
The speaker emphasizes the need for collaboration, transparency, and personalized approaches in building secure relationships. He cautions against rigidly following prescribed relationship procedures and highlights the importance of creativity and personalization within the framework of secure attachment. The speaker also stresses the significance of repairing conflicts and prioritizing the relationship. He discusses the principles of secure functioning relationships, such as mutual support, challenge, and being sensitive to one another. Ultimately, he encourages individuals to be open, creative, and sensitive in defining what a secure relationship means for them.
Everyone wants to be in a securely attached relationship, but what does secure attachment really look like? In this episode, Jayson and Ellen talk about secure attachment and address some common misconceptions. How can you know the difference between infatuation and secure attachment? How long does it take to develop secure attachment in a romantic relationship? How do securely attached relationships differ between different couples? Tune in to learn how you can create and maintain long-lasting and meaningful partnerships.
Timestamps:
2:00 - Secure attachment vs. infatuation
5:21 - How long does it take to know if you’re securely attached?
8:59 - Working through the challenge stage
11:26 - Misconceptions about secure attachment
20:25 - Make sure you both want the same type of relationship