Best of: The Science of Making—and Keeping—Friends
Feb 19, 2024
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Psychologist Marisa Franco shares research-backed strategies to make and maintain friendships, importance of mutuality, likelihood perception in relationships, and the impact of self-worth. Discussion on investing in friendships, navigating different life phases, and conflict resolution. Reflects on the season and announces the next season.
Invest in friendships by showing affection, generosity, and care to strengthen bonds.
Embrace conflict as an act of love, assume people like you, and take initiative in maintaining connections.
Deep dives
Importance of Friendship and Mutual Support
Psychologist Marissa Franco emphasizes the importance of friendship and challenges societal narratives that prioritize romantic relationships over friendships. She discusses the concept of mutuality in friendships, highlighting the need to consider each other's needs and support one another. Franco explains how friendship offers mind-expanding experiences and can contribute to our physical and mental well-being.
Investing in and Maintaining Friendships
Franco encourages investing in and maintaining friendships by showing affection, generosity, and care. She explains the importance of open and empathic conflict in deepening friendships. Furthermore, she advises having conversations about fears and concerns related to changing life circumstances, as well as seeking curiosity and interest in the differing experiences of friends. Encouraging dialogues and navigating conflicts ultimately strengthen friendships.
Navigating the End of a Friendship
In situations where a friendship no longer serves a person's well-being, Franco suggests open communication and providing closure. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and allowing oneself to grieve the loss of a friendship, as society often diminishes the significance of such loss. Franco reassures that valuing ego support and being loving towards others is key to making and maintaining meaningful connections.
Overcoming Anxiety and Fear in Friendships
Franco addresses anxiety and fear in friendships by highlighting the liking gap, explaining that people often underestimate how much they are liked by others. She advises assuming that people like you and taking initiative in maintaining connections, rather than fearing rejection. By reframing conflict as an act of love and embracing the discomfort that comes with it, individuals can foster deeper bonds with their friends.
Psychologist Marisa Franco is an expert on friendship and talks with Maya about research-backed strategies to make new friends, deepen our existing relationships, and navigate friend breakups. This conversation was one of our most popular ones and so we’ve decided to revisit it during a time when it’s been hard to feel connected to others. We’ll be back in March with new episodes!