Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

What Healthy Couples DON’T Do with Dr. Amy Morin

Dec 4, 2023

Therapist Dr. Amy Morin shares insights on building mental strength and having a healthy relationship. They discuss self-compassion, root problems in relationships, conflict inevitability, and deconstructing reactive thoughts. They explore setting ground rules for therapeutic conversations, addressing partner disinterest in personal growth, and avoiding scorekeeping. Additionally, they touch on navigating common relationship issues, deeper relationship dynamics, and the importance of psychological flexibility.

01:10:44

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Episode guests

Amy Morin

Forrest

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Quick takeaways

Develop mental strength in relationships by exercising the brain to regulate thoughts and manage emotions.

Address deeper issues in relationships through constructive communication, active listening, and validation.

Prioritize excitement and personal growth in relationships to prevent stagnation and effort imbalances.

Deep dives

Developing Mental Strength in Relationships

In this podcast episode, psychotherapist Amy Moran discusses how to develop mental strength in relationships. She emphasizes that just as we can develop physical strength, we can exercise the brain to regulate our thoughts, manage emotions, and behave skillfully in challenging circumstances. Moran shares her own journey of personal loss and how it inspired her to write about mental strength. She highlights the importance of taking back our power, focusing on communication patterns, and avoiding scorekeeping in relationships. Moran also encourages reframing negative thoughts and considering different perspectives to foster growth and understanding in partnerships.

Building Mental Strength in Relationships with Amy Moran

01:24

Introduction

2min

Finding Healing and Growth in Challenging Moments

24min

The Difficulty of Apologizing and Taking Responsibility

5min

Common Problems and Key Points in Relationships

3min

Addressing Disinterest in Personal Growth and Changing the Relationship Dynamic

10min

Avoiding Scorekeeping and Finding Balance in Relationships

14min

Navigating Common Relationship Issues

11min

Deeper Issues in Relationships: Balancing Needs, Martyrdom, and Psychological Flexibility

4min

Just as we can exercise our arms or legs to build physical strength, we can exercise our brains like we do any other muscle. Therapist Amy Morin joins Forrest to help us learn how to regulate our thoughts, manage our emotions, and become more psychologically flexible. These key skills are particularly important for building a healthy relationship. Forrest and Amy explore how couples can work together to identify their issues, deal with effort imbalances, and avoid common mistakes (like having, get this, not enough conflict).

About our Guest: Amy Morin is a licensed clinical social worker, bestselling author, and the host of the Mentally Stronger podcast.Her most recent book is 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do, out on December 26th.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:35: Amy’s personal background, and how she got to the idea of mental strengths

7:30: Self-compassion vs. self-pity

11:05: Not giving away your power

14:50: Diagnosing root problems in relationships

18:25: When one frustration brings up all your other frustrations

22:25: The inevitability of conflict, and the vulnerability in expressing remorse

27:35: Setting the ground rules for a therapeutic conversation

31:05: When it feels like your partner isn’t invested in making changes

34:50: Learning to deconstruct reactive thoughts and misguided perceptions

38:30: Taking your thoughts with a grain of salt, and asking ‘what else might be true?’

41:20: Scorekeeping vs. negotiating, and finding ways to meet our own needs

45:40: Giving our partner what we actually want for ourselves

49:00: Balancing desires for closeness and distance

51:15: Not being a martyr or ‘controlling through giving’

55:30: Boundaries between partners, and how our backgrounds influence our preferences

1:00:35: Developing psychological flexibility

1:03:40: Recap

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Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

What Healthy Couples DON’T Do with Dr. Amy Morin

Episode guests

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

Deep dives

Developing Mental Strength in Relationships

Navigating Communication Challenges

Overcoming Relationship Stagnation

Managing Effort Imbalances

Developing Psychological Flexibility

Avoiding Martyrdom and Balancing Efforts

Building Mental Strength in Relationships with Amy Moran

Remember Everything You Learn from Podcasts