Vanessa Bennett: Mothers and Wives

Oct 14, 2025

In this engaging chat, Vanessa Bennett, a depth psychotherapist and author of The Motherhood Myth, tackles the societal myths that perpetuate discontent in relationships and motherhood. She explores how resentment can reveal unhealthy patterns and emphasizes the importance of reclaiming personal agency. Vanessa shares her own experiences of chaos and healing through community rituals and practical tools like the Consent Tool. With sharp insights on codependency and authentic parenting, she encourages listeners to break free from societal expectations and embrace their true selves.

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INSIGHT

Individual Problems Are Also Collective

Depth psychology links personal struggles to cultural and ancestral systems rather than individual failure.
Vanessa says depersonalizing problems empowers people to own change rather than stay defensive.

INSIGHT

The Core Myth Behind Parental Shame

The core motherhood myth: if you're not fulfilled by parenting, sex, or relationships, something is wrong with you.
Vanessa argues this myth drives shame and unrealistic expectations for many people.

ANECDOTE

I Love My Child But Not Parenting

Vanessa states candidly, "I love my daughter, but I don't love parenting."
She uses honesty to model wholeness for her child and reduce secrecy and shame.

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Tami Simon and depth psychologist Vanessa Bennett explore the psyche’s need to experience initiation in our key life transitions, using resentment as a focal point for healing, how to change our unhealthy patterns in relationships, and reclaiming personal agency.

What relationship myth causes us the most suffering? According to depth psychologist Vanessa Bennett, it’s this: “That if you’re not fulfilled by parenthood, sex, or your relationships, then there’s something wrong with you.” Why? Because it’s often the fault of our culture, and not you personally, that’s to blame.

This week, Tami Simon welcomes the author of The Motherhood Myth to discuss the hidden pressures and misconceptions surrounding parenthood and intimate partnership—and how looking at your resentments is a surprisingly direct way to discover the roots of the wounds that unconsciously drive unhappiness in your relationships.

Join us to explore:

At your life’s turning points, why your unconscious may invite chaos or trauma
The societal roots of discontent in parenthood and intimate relationships
How Vanessa’s own experiences—from her neighborhood’s destruction by fire to everyday life with her daughter and husband—illustrate how to grow and heal
“If you’re good, I’m good. And if you’re not, I’m not”—codependency explained
The “choose me” wound—how we abandon ourselves in relationships and how to reintegrate
The “Consent Tool,” a practice to help restore safety and intimacy in your relationships, and more

If you’ve ever felt frustrated about the demands of your relationships—obvious or hidden—this episode will spark a wealth of “aha!” moments and insights for change.

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Listeners of Insights At The Edge get 10% off their first month at www.betterhelp.com/soundstrue.

Note: This interview originally aired on Sounds True One, where these special episodes of Insights at the Edge are available to watch live on video and with exclusive access to Q&As with our guests. Learn more at join.soundstrue.com.