How changing your story can change your life (w/ Lori Gottlieb)
Aug 28, 2023
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Therapist and bestselling author Lori Gottlieb explains how changing our personal narrative can lead to happiness. She discusses the stages of change, the importance of relationships, and finding a good therapist. Through her experiences, she emphasizes the power of being aware of our personal narrative and being willing to edit our story.
The story we tell ourselves shapes our experiences and happiness, and therapy can help us edit that story.
Therapy offers wise compassion by challenging our narratives and helping us recognize unhealthy dynamics for personal growth.
Deep dives
Understanding the Importance of Therapy
Therapy is often praised, but understanding how it actually works is less discussed. Therapy, like going to the gym, can be complicated to navigate and cost-effective. Guest Lori Gottlieb, a therapist and author, provides insightful explanations about therapy's inner workings, emphasizing the significance of changing our personal narratives. She highlights the role of therapists in helping individuals understand their unreliable narration of life stories and how this shapes their experiences. Gottlieb also offers practical advice on finding a therapist and the importance of building a strong therapeutic relationship.
The Power of Changing Our Stories
Lori Gottlieb emphasizes the power of reshaping the stories we tell ourselves. She acknowledges that individuals are unreliable narrators of their own lives, often shaping their stories to emphasize or minimize certain aspects. By changing our narratives, we can change our lives. Gottlieb distinguishes between "idiot compassion," where individuals perpetuate their own stories without challenging them, and "wise compassion," which therapy offers by helping individuals recognize their role in unhealthy dynamics and encouraging personal growth.
Understanding Relationships as a Dance
Gottlieb discusses the importance of shifting our perspective on relationships. Rather than focusing on changing others, we should focus on changing ourselves and our own actions. Gottlieb uses the analogy of a dance, highlighting that if someone wants their partner to change, they should start by changing their own steps. By taking responsibility for our own actions and confronting unhealthy patterns, we can influence others to change or make decisions about whether the relationship is beneficial for both parties.
Navigating Change and Maintaining Progress
Gottlieb explains the stages of change individuals go through in therapy: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. She emphasizes that insight alone is not enough; action and maintenance are crucial. Change is often accompanied by loss and discomfort, and individuals may resist change due to the familiarity of their current situation. However, therapy can provide the tools and resources needed to navigate change successfully, and therapists play a vital role in guiding individuals throughout this process.
Lori Gottlieb believes we all have an inner narrator. In this episode, she explains why the story you tell yourself is key to your happiness (or lack thereof). She also discusses the stages of change, why relationships are a dance, and the steps to finding a good therapist that can help you edit the story of your life. Lori is a therapist, the bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, and a co-host on the Dear Therapists podcast. She was once also an executive at NBC, overseeing shows like the hit medical drama ER. It’s through these varied experiences that she’s realized the power of being aware of your personal narrative and being willing to edit your story.