Psychotherapist and bestselling author Esther Perel shares insights on turning conflicts into connection, the negative effects of losing curiosity, and the intersection of relationships, technology, and mental health. She explores the power of gratitude, rebuilding trust, understanding each other's stories, and the importance of differentiating between chemistry for a love story and chemistry for a life story. The discussion fearlessly tackles betrayal, lack of trust, and what truly makes a real relationship.
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Quick takeaways
Curiosity about oneself and one's partner is crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Conflict in relationships is not about what is being fought about, but what is being fought for.
Rebuilding trust after infidelity involves expressing guilt and remorse, becoming a protector of the relationship, and exploring the meaning behind the betrayal.
Breakups can be incredibly painful, but seeking support, engaging in joyful activities, and embracing new experiences can lead to healing and finding love again.
Deep dives
Reaping the Benefits of a Juice Cleanse
Juice cleanses offer more than just detox. They provide a reset for the body, promoting weight loss, reduced bloating, and improved skin. Squeeze.com's Juice Cleanse is described as a game changer, providing a daily reminder to prioritize self-care in a busy life.
The Importance of Curiosity in Relationships
Curiosity about oneself and one's partner is crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship. By asking questions in a playful and indirect way, couples can explore each other's pasts, values, and perspectives. This curiosity helps to build connection and understanding.
Navigating Conflict and Rebuilding Trust
Conflict in relationships is not about what is being fought about, but what is being fought for. Understanding the importance of accountability and personal growth can help turn conflict into connection. Rebuilding trust, especially after infidelity, involves expressing guilt and remorse, becoming a protector of the relationship, and exploring the meaning behind the betrayal. It is a process that requires understanding, empathy, and commitment from both partners.
Finding Hope and Healing After a Breakup
Breakups can be incredibly painful, leaving individuals feeling lost and unworthy. However, there is hope for healing and finding love again. It is important to seek support from friends and family, engage in activities that bring joy and new experiences, and remember that the end of one relationship can mark the beginning of a new chapter in life.
Benefits of a Juice Cleanse
Going on a juice cleanse can have numerous benefits for the body. It can lead to weight loss, reduced bloating, and improved skin health. Additionally, it can increase energy levels and improve the quality of sleep. Cleansing with juices can also help break unhealthy eating habits and promote better discipline. It becomes more than just a routine, but a daily practice of mindfulness and gratitude for one's body.
Navigating the Paradox of Choice in Modern Dating
The modern dating landscape presents a paradox of choice due to the ease of meeting new people through technology and apps. With so many options available, individuals often find themselves searching for the perfect match, feeling dissatisfied with the lack of chemistry or connection. The concept of choice and selection has become more complex, with people constantly comparing potential partners and their qualities. It is important to approach dating with a more open mindset, focusing on genuine curiosity and the desire for a deeper connection rather than solely relying on instant sparks.
The Importance of Self-Evaluation in Relationships
Self-evaluation plays a crucial role in healthy and fulfilling relationships. Recognizing and accepting one's flaws and imperfections while still holding oneself in high regard is key to building self-esteem and confidence. This self-awareness allows individuals to be more receptive to influence from their partners and promotes personal growth within the relationship. Being open to learning from one another and embracing the challenges that arise can create a strong bond and a harmonious partnership.
Do you want to know the secret to know if your chemistry will last?
Are you wondering why you can't move on from your ex?
If you have questions about love and relationships, this episode is for you. Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is back. Esther is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Esther’s TED Talks have garnered more than 40 million views and her bestselling books, Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs, are global phenomena. Esther is also the host of the hit podcast Where Should We Begin? which is available on Apple Podcasts.
If you've ever wondered when a relationship is worth saving or why we grieve after a breakup, Esther has incredible insights to share that you can apply to your own relationship. Let's discover the power of accountability in relationships and how it can trigger positive change. We discuss the art of turning conflict into connection. Also, we uncover the negative effects of losing curiosity and how it impacts our connections.
The conversation also fearlessly tackles the topics of betrayal, lack of trust, and the intersection of relationships, technology, and mental health. Get ready for a fascinating exploration of the narratives that shape our relationships, the dynamics between rationalists and romantics, and what truly makes a real relationship.
In this interview, you’ll learn:
How to turn conflicts into genuine connection
Why relationships often fail
How to save your correct relationship
What to do after a breakup
How to boost trust and confidence in a relationship
It is truly a thought-provoking and heartfelt journey into the essence of human connection.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
Thank you to Soho Works 10 Jay in Dumbo for hosting us for this episode.
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
02:12 When is a Relationship Worth Saving?
03:51 Why Do We Grieve After a Breakup?
05:14 Accountability in Relationships Can Trigger Change
10:00 How to Turn Conflict Into Connection
14:10 People Try to Overcome Fear by Gaining Control
17:14 The Negative Effects of the Loss of Curiosity
22:09 Blaming the Other Doesn’t Solve Anything
27:21 How to Make Your Partner Feel Important
29:10 Other Mediums to Express What You’re Unable to Say
36:01 Do New Things Together
38:08 There are Lingering Feelings that Stays Even After Breakup
41:53 We All Fear Betrayal and Lack of Trust
43:35 How to Value and Protect Your Relationship
50:50 The Real Story Before and After Betrayal
55:33 The Intersection of Relationships, Technology, and Mental Health
01:01:50 The False Relationship Narrative that Failed us
01:04:22 The Rationalists and the Romantics
01:06:23 What Makes for a Real Relationship?
01:10:04 Diversifying Long-Term Relationships
01:15:55 Your Partner’s Opinion Matters
01:21:11 The Real Definition of Self Confidence
01:24:59 We Are Drawn to People We Don’t Want to Become
01:28:03 Where Should We Begin A Game of Stories with Esther Perel