Is Self-Improvement Just Making Us More Selfish?

whatshot 44 snips

Oct 2, 2025

The discussion dives into whether self-improvement is genuinely beneficial or just fosters selfishness. Hosts critique popular self-help books that promise progress without real change. They explore the balance between personal agency and structural challenges, advocating for pragmatic use of self-help as tools rather than identities. The dangers of soundbites and online radicalization are highlighted, along with the importance of community and accountability in personal development. This engaging talk re-examines how we approach growth and excellence.

33:48

forum

Ask episode

web_stories

AI Snips

view_agenda

Chapters

menu_book

Books

auto_awesome

Transcript

info_circle

Episode notes

insights

INSIGHT

Self-Help Is A Tool, Not A Cure-All

Self-help can be either empty navel-gazing or a real source of agency depending on use.
The hosts argue the truth sits in the middle: tools help if translated into action.

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Reread To Build Psychological Flexibility

Use self-help to reinforce difficult-to-implement principles by rereading and integrating them.
Treat repeated reminders as practice for psychological flexibility, not quick fixes.

insights

INSIGHT

Agency And Structure Aren't Mutually Exclusive

Agency and structure both matter; the binary view is unhelpful.
The hosts say agency fuels motivation while acknowledging structural limits.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Framing the Debate on Self-Help

Why People Read Self-Help: Answers vs. Reinforcement

04:30 • 1min

chevron_right

Using Self-Help as a Tool, Not an Identity

05:42 • 2min

chevron_right

Self-Improvement Versus Passive Media Consumption

07:58 • 2min

chevron_right

Objective-Based Reading: News, Self-Help, Literature

09:30 • 1min

chevron_right

Balancing Agency and Structural Problems

10:56 • 2min

chevron_right

Control the Controllables in Self-Improvement

13:00 • 2min

chevron_right

Does Protecting Your Peace Become Selfish?

15:20 • 2min

chevron_right

When Letting Go Is Helpful Versus Harmful

17:00 • 3min

chevron_right

Integration Over Revolution for Behavioral Change

19:43 • 37sec

chevron_right

Manage Expectations When Reading Self-Help

20:21 • 2min

chevron_right

Real-Life Example: Reacting Versus Responding

22:10 • 31sec

chevron_right

Building a Personal Toolkit or 'Basket' of Ideas

22:41 • 1min

chevron_right

The Danger of Soundbites and Online Radicalization

24:01 • 5min

chevron_right

How Sacred Texts Illustrate Good and Bad Uses of Guidance

29:07 • 1min

chevron_right

The Value of Community and Guided Interpretation

30:33 • 1min

chevron_right

Share Community Resources to Counter Bad Advice

31:54 • 1min

chevron_right

Accountability and Listener Feedback Matter

• Mentioned in 251 episodes

The Bible

Various Authors

The Bible is a comprehensive collection of texts that form the central religious text of Christianity and Judaism. It is divided into the Old Testament, which includes books such as Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, and others that narrate the creation of the world, the history of the Israelites, and the prophetic messages. The New Testament focuses on the life, teachings, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, along with the early Christian church and its spread. The Bible contains a wide range of genres, including historical narratives, poetry, wisdom literature, prophetic writings, and epistles.

#46

• Mentioned in 178 episodes

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

Mark Manson

In this book, Mark Manson argues against the typical self-help advice of constant positivity, instead suggesting that life's struggles give it meaning. He emphasizes the need to focus on what truly matters and to accept and confront painful truths. The book is divided into nine chapters and uses blunt honesty and profanity to illustrate its ideas, encouraging readers to find meaning through values they can control and to replace uncontrollable values with more meaningful ones.

#16

• Mentioned in 300 episodes

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Dale Carnegie

First published in 1936, 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie is a timeless guide to improving interpersonal skills. The book is divided into four main sections: Six Ways to Make People Like You, Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking, and Nine Ways to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. Carnegie's principles emphasize the importance of genuine interest in others, active listening, and avoiding criticism and argument. The book offers practical advice on how to build strong relationships, communicate effectively, and influence others by aligning their self-interest with yours. It has been a cornerstone of personal development and business success for generations.

#58

• Mentioned in 167 episodes

Grit

The Power of Passion and Perseverance

Angela Duckworth

In this book, Angela Duckworth presents a compelling argument that success is driven more by grit, a fusion of relentless passion and perseverance, than by talent. She explains what grit is, how to identify and develop it, and how it can be grown through stages such as developing interests, consistent practice, finding a pro-social purpose, and cultivating optimism. The book is structured in three parts: explaining what grit is and why it matters, how to grow grit from the inside out, and how to grow grit from the outside in, targeting parents, coaches, teachers, and organizational leaders. Duckworth supports her arguments with personal stories, historical insights, and interviews with high achievers from various fields.

#1726

• Mentioned in 17 episodes

Let Them Be

null

Mel Robbins

Mel Robbins's "Let Them Be" offers a practical approach to emotional maturity, particularly in relationships. The book emphasizes the importance of allowing others to experience their own emotions and navigate their challenges without excessive intervention. Robbins encourages readers to set healthy boundaries and prioritize their own well-being while supporting others' growth. The book's focus on self-compassion and acceptance makes it a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their relationships and emotional intelligence. It provides tools and strategies for navigating conflict and fostering healthier connections.

Is personal development and self-improvement making us better—or just more self-absorbed? In today's episode, we wade into the debate sparked by a recent New York Times article (link below) about whether the world of betterment is actually helping with personal growth, or just creating inward navel-gazing? We discuss how to think about the role of individual agency in a world of structural challenge, the pitfalls of hyper-optimization, and why nuance (and community) matter more than ever. We explore how to use self-help as a tool—without letting it take over your life. Whether you’re a self-improvement skeptic or a die-hard devotee, this conversation will give you new ways to think about growth, agency, and what it really means to be excellent, on both an individual and collective level.

"Is Today's Self-Help Teaching Everyone to Be a Jerk?" by Emma Goldberg: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/25/style/self-help-books-columns-readers.html

Unedited transcript: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mzKxdG-NcdRbzUsKH6IEMLGt3z5Z7Fln00AN1T4hN3U/edit?usp=sharing

If you have a questions for us, send an email to clay.growtheq@gmail.com or call our voicemail at ‪(646) 893-9503‬.

Subscribe to The Growth Equation newsletter: https://thegrowtheq.com/newsletters/geq/

If you are enjoying "excellence, actually," do us a huge favor: text your favorite episode to three people so they can enjoy it, too. Thanks!

iTunes and Apple Podcasts
Spotify
Android
PocketCasts
YouTube

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Home Top podcasts Popular guests Top books