The Mark Groves Podcast #475: Parents Have Feelings Too with Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Sep 15, 2025
Hilary Jacobs Hendel, a psychotherapist and author of "Parents Have Feelings, Too," joins for an insightful discussion on the emotional complexities of parenting. They delve into her innovative "Change Triangle" tool, emphasizing that emotions aren't good or bad but essential for understanding ourselves. Hilary highlights how unprocessed feelings can lead to mental health issues and the importance of modeling emotional fluency for children. Through practical advice and storytelling, she advocates for creating safe spaces for emotional expression, transforming parenting dynamics.
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Emotions Are Information Not Judgement
- Emotions are data, not good or bad, and signal what's happening in us and our relationships.
- Understanding this removes shame and lets parents respond with curiosity and support.
Pause And Respond With Curiosity
- When a child expresses emotion, slow down and respond with curiosity and comfort instead of immediate fixing.
- Use empathy to reduce parental guilt and model emotional fluency for the child.
Guilt Masks Core Emotions
- Many parents feel guilty about emotions and equate sadness or fear with weakness, especially men.
- Those suppressed feelings often re-emerge as anger or lashing out in parenting situations.
