Dr. Ethan Kross, an award-winning professor and bestselling author, dives deep into the emotional lives of men, debunking myths about their stoicism. He discusses the art of emotion regulation, emphasizing that acknowledging dark thoughts can lead to resilience and growth. Kross reveals parallels between emotional and physical fitness, advocating for diverse tools to enhance emotional well-being. The conversation also touches on the value of negative emotions and the importance of mindfulness for personal and community development.
Men experience emotions as deeply as women, and effective emotional management is crucial for personal growth and relational success.
Regulating emotions involves aligning thoughts and actions with goals, emphasizing the importance of responding constructively to feelings rather than suppressing them.
Dark thoughts can have a functional role in motivating responsible behavior, thus reframing them as tools for positive action rather than sources of anxiety.
Deep dives
Emotions in Men
The notion that men are less emotional than women is challenged by the understanding that men experience emotions just as deeply. Dr. Ethan Cross emphasizes that all humans, regardless of gender, are emotional beings, but the challenge lies in how these emotions are managed. He suggests that it is essential to find a balance between feeling emotions and allowing them to dictate behavior. This perspective encourages men to embrace their emotional experiences as tools for personal growth rather than viewing them solely as weaknesses.
The Importance of Regulating Emotions
Regulating emotions is critical for achieving meaningful outcomes in life, according to Dr. Cross. He points out that experiencing emotions is not inherently negative; instead, it is how individuals respond to and express these feelings that matters. For effective emotional management, one must align thoughts and actions with personal goals, whether that involves amplifying positive feelings or minimizing negative ones. By honing emotional regulation skills, individuals can better navigate life's challenges and enhance their relationships.
Harnessing Dark Thoughts
Dark thoughts are a common part of the human experience, and Dr. Cross argues that they can serve a functional purpose. Intrusive thoughts, such as fears of harming others unintentionally, can motivate individuals to act responsibly and protect those around them. He illustrates this with personal anecdotes, demonstrating that understanding the context of these thoughts can transform them from sources of anxiety into mechanisms for preventing harm. This reframing suggests that rather than suppressing these thoughts, individuals should learn to manage them constructively.
Tools for Emotional Regulation
Dr. Cross identifies a variety of tools and strategies for managing emotions effectively, highlighting that there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Engaging in conversations with trusted friends or advisors can provide valuable perspectives and support during difficult emotional times. Additionally, establishing environmental controls—such as creating order in physical spaces or recognizing places that evoke positive feelings—can also aid in emotional management. By experimenting with various tools, individuals can discover what works best for them in different emotional contexts.
Navigating Social Interactions and Emotional Expression
Understanding the dynamics of emotional expression in social interactions is crucial for effective communication. Dr. Cross explains that men often express emotions through external actions, which can sometimes lead to aggression, while women may express their emotions differently. The key takeaway is that emotional expression should be appropriately attuned to the context and audience, advocating for a balanced approach. By being mindful of how emotions are conveyed, individuals can enhance relationships and create stronger connections, ultimately fostering healthier emotional expressions.
“Men aren’t emotional.” “Men are more logical than their female counterparts.” “Men don’t cry.”
These are all things you’ve heard whether they’ve been directed at you or not. But the reality paints a different story. Men are emotional. But that’s not to say that we ought to let ourselves be led by our emotions alone.
Dr. Ethan Kross understands this well as a man who researches how we, as humans, both feel and react to those feelings. Today, we talk about how to deal with intrusive thoughts, how to address the dark thoughts we often experience, what it actually means to “control” your emotions, how to become more emotionally fit, and how you can regulate your emotions – even the “negative” ones – so they don’t regulate you.
SHOW HIGHLIGHTS 00:00 - The Unwritten Rule About Men and Emotions 01:57 - Emotional Strength: A Navy SEAL's Perspective 03:32 - Can We Control Our Emotions? 06:57 - Dark Thoughts and Emotional Awareness 08:15 - Myths About Managing Emotions 13:43 - Emotions: Tools for Resilience and Growth 15:55 - The Link Between Love, Hate, and Emotional Investment 20:41 - The Art of Emotion Regulation 26:07 - Emotional Fitness: A Multi-Tool Approach 30:14 - The Power of Mental Time Travel 41:17 - Public Speaking and Emotional Influence 49:39 - Over-Regulation and Exhaustion 52:26 - Leveraging Environmental Regulators 55:10 - The Value of Negative Emotions 59:13 - The Power of Finding Common Ground 01:00:38 - Closing Thoughts and How to Connect with Ethan Kross
