Struggle Care

87: Releasing the Mother Load with Erica Djossa

Apr 15, 2024

Author Erica Djossa discusses releasing the mother load and challenges intensive mothering ideology. Topics include setting boundaries, independent play, healthy attachment, and debunking motherhood myths. The conversation explores the importance of self-care, creativity, and navigating societal pressures in parenting.

55:49

Episode guests

Erica Djossa

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Episode notes

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

Healthy attachment with children involves safety, security, reliability, and emotional attunement over time, not based on societal fragility.

Motherhood styles vary based on personal values, not societal norms, allowing for unique parenting expressions and success criteria.

Home layout can influence parenting styles; recognizing differences in where parents spend time provides insights into engagement with children and relaxation in living spaces.

Deep dives

Building a Secure Attachment with Children

Creating a healthy attachment with children involves providing safety, security, reliability, and emotional attunement over time. This attachment is like a rubber band with room for errors and repairs, not fragile like society might depict. Listening and responding to children's needs consistently helps foster this strong and secure relationship.

Introduction

2min

Navigating Motherhood and Self-Care

8min

Navigating Societal Pressures and Self-Care in Motherhood

8min

Balancing Independence and Involvement in Children's Play

22min

Exploring Mother Wounds and Intergenerational Trauma

5min

Navigating Boundaries in Parenting and Creativity

4min

Navigating Parental Boundaries and Expectations

10min

Exploring Motherhood Expectations and Debunking Myths with Erica Djossa

3min

Every mother needs to hear this conversation. It just doesn’t make sense that we put so much undue pressure on ourselves and are quick to criticize and judge other moms for their parenting styles. I’m joined today by Erica Djossa, the author of Releasing the Mother Load: How to Carry Less and Enjoy Motherhood More. We are talking about all things motherhood and expectations, why I’ve been blasted over a couple of recent TikToks, and Erica’s parenting wisdom from her book. Join us to learn more!

Show Highlights:

● One of KC’s videos about how she “doesn’t play” with her kids—and the flurry of negative responses over parenting choices

● The intensive mothering ideation: motherhood equals martyrdom, mothers must put everyone else’s needs about their own, shelve all their interests, and be self-sacrificial in every way

● The second of KC’s videos about sending her dog away from home for training—and the flurry of anger and shame over her inadequacies as a dog owner

● Mainstay pillars of the intensive mothering ideology and the BS that is promoted as healthy attachment and “good mothering”

● Giving less can sometimes mean giving more.

● The truth that shows up in the bedtime routine (“Are you holding space for yourself, mom?”)

● The scope, dynamic, and importance of “independent play,” creativity, and solving problems

● Healthy attachment: safety, security, reliability, and dependability

● The space for moms to have unique and different personalities and mothering styles, like bedroom parents vs. living room parents

● Projecting our mother wounds on other moms (Why do we do it?)

● Understanding why not all NOs are equal

● The disparity in expectations and judgment for moms and dads

● Motherhood expectations, boundaries, and the stories we tell ourselves

Resources and Links:

Connect with Erica Djossa: Website, Instagram, Momwell Podcast, and Releasing the Mother Load book

Mentioned by Erica: Needy by Mara Glatzel

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

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Struggle Care

87: Releasing the Mother Load with Erica Djossa

Episode guests

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

Deep dives

Building a Secure Attachment with Children

Personal Values and Motherhood Styles

Impact of Home Layout on Parenting Styles

Setting Boundaries and Embracing Different Parenting Styles

Healthy Attachment and Balancing Self-Care as a Parent

Remember Everything You Learn from Podcasts