Susan Cain, renowned author of "Quiet" and "Bittersweet," dives into the often-overlooked realm of bittersweet leadership. She discusses the importance of embracing sorrow and longing as essential components of authentic leadership, challenging the emphasis on positivity. Cain shares insights from research on emotional expression through writing and emphasizes how empathy and self-compassion can transform leadership dynamics. By acknowledging a full spectrum of emotions, leaders can foster deeper connections and enhance team dynamics.
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insights INSIGHT
Value of Sorrow
Openly discussing sorrow can lead to deeper, more meaningful happiness.
It allows for genuine connection and strength in the face of life's challenges.
question_answer ANECDOTE
19th Century Negativity Aversion
In 19th-century America, even mentioning bad weather was considered unfashionable.
This aversion to negativity hindered practical planning and emotional connection.
insights INSIGHT
Power and Emotions
Anger is often associated with positional power, while sadness is linked to personal power.
Leaders with personal power create stronger connections with their teams.
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Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead Forever
Michael Bungay Stanier
In 'The Coaching Habit,' Michael Bungay Stanier provides a straightforward and effective approach to coaching. Drawing on his extensive experience training managers worldwide, he introduces seven essential coaching questions designed to help managers unlock their team's potential. These questions include the Kickstart Question, the AWE Question, the Lazy Question, the Strategic Question, the Focus Question, the Foundation Question, and the Learning Question. The book emphasizes the importance of saying less and asking more, fostering a collaborative and empowering work environment. It combines practical advice with research in neuroscience and behavioral economics, making coaching a daily, informal part of managerial work rather than a formal event.
Bittersweet
Danielle Steel
Bittersweet is the story of India Taylor, a stay-at-home mom who has dedicated her life to her family. However, when she meets Paul Ward, a Wall Street tycoon, she begins to question the sacrifices she has made and the life she has chosen. With Paul's encouragement, India starts to rediscover her creativity and courage, leading her to make heart-wrenching decisions that change her life forever. The novel explores themes of freedom, dreams, and the complexities of relationships[1][3][5].
On Good Authority
Anna David
Quiet
The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
Susan Cain
In 'Quiet', Susan Cain presents a comprehensive argument that modern Western culture misunderstands and undervalues the traits and capabilities of introverted people. She charts the rise of the 'Extrovert Ideal' and explores how it permeates various aspects of society, including workplaces, schools, and social interactions. Cain draws on research from biology, psychology, neuroscience, and evolution to demonstrate that introversion is common, normal, and valuable. The book offers advice for introverts on functioning in an extrovert-dominated culture and advocates for changes to support and recognize the contributions of introverts. It also distinguishes between introversion, shyness, and anti-social behavior, and highlights the unique strengths of introverts, such as deep thinking, persistence, and excellent negotiation skills.
Susan Cain: Bittersweet
Susan Cain is the author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, which spent seven years on The New York Times bestseller list and has been translated into 40 languages. It was named the #1 best book of the year by Fast Company, which also named Susan one of its Most Creative People in Business. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Wall Street Journal, and many other publications. Her record-smashing TED Talk has been viewed over 30 million times and was named by Bill Gates one of his all-time favorite talks.
Susan has also spoken at Microsoft, Google, the U.S. Treasury, the S.E.C., Harvard, Yale, West Point, and the US Naval Academy. She received Harvard Law School’s Celebration Award for Thought Leadership, the Toastmasters International Golden Gavel Award for Communication and Leadership, and was named one of the world’s top 50 Leadership and Management Experts by Inc. She is now also the author of the bestselling book Bittersweet: How Sorrow and Longing Make Us Whole*.
We’ve all heard the value of positive thinking and aiming for happiness, but we don’t often think about the value of sorrow — and rarely in the context of leadership. In this conversation, Susan returns to the podcast to explore how the full spectrum of who we are can help us live — and lead - just a bit better.
Key Points
We espouse the value of happiness and positive thinking but don’t often recognize the value of appreciating sorrow and pain.
Words like “pain” and “suffering” tend to not show up in our workplaces, even when that’s clearly what’s being experienced. Instead, these realities are often substituted with words like “anger” or “frustration.”
Yes we should focus on our strengths, but beware of confusing a bittersweet temperament or sadness, with weakness.
Having power or feeling superior may prevent us from seeing others sadness — or even our own. Leaders who can embrace humility often find that results follow too.
The physical act of bowing can help with humility, as does capturing in writing moments of compassion (either from others or for others), as well as a focus on self-compassion.
Resources Mentioned
Preorder Bittersweet for a free book plate from Susan
Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care by The Cleveland Clinic
The Kindred Letters by Susan Cain
Interview Notes
Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required).
Related Episodes
The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, with Susan Cain (episode 44)
Use Power for Good and Not Evil, with Dacher Keltner (episode 254)
Four Steps to Get Unstuck and Embrace Change, with Susan David (episode 297)
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