TED Health
Even healthy couples fight — the difference is how | Julie and John Gottman
Aug 6, 2024
Julie Gottman, a leading relationship scientist, and her husband John, a renowned researcher in marital stability, dive into the dynamic of conflict in relationships. They reveal how disagreements can actually strengthen bonds if handled well. The Gottmans introduce essential concepts like the 'Four Horsemen' of detrimental behavior and the 'softened startup' technique for effective communication. Through relatable examples, they emphasize that even healthy couples face conflicts, and it's the approach to these disagreements that makes all the difference.
18:20
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Quick takeaways
- The quality of conflict in relationships is crucial, as constructive fighting can enhance emotional connection and intimacy.
- Understanding different conflict styles and employing techniques like softened startup can significantly improve how couples manage disagreements.
Deep dives
Rethinking Conflict in Relationships
Contrary to common belief, fighting in relationships is not inherently harmful and may even strengthen a partnership. Researchers Julie and John Gottman have studied couples for over five decades, finding that the quality of disagreements is more significant than the disagreements themselves. Their research indicates that nearly all couples experience conflict, but those who manage to navigate their disagreements constructively enrich their emotional connection. In fact, appropriate fighting can lead to improved intimacy and understanding, reshaping the common narrative that conflict is detrimental.
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