How To Excel When Everything Is Changing with Brad Stulberg
Nov 6, 2023
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Brad Stulberg, author of Master of Change, discusses excelling amidst change, embracing disorder, fluid identity, and the importance of responding rather than reacting. They explore the tension between goals and enjoyment, reframing expectations, and creating space for self-reflection.
Developing a fluid sense of self and connection to core values can help us thrive amidst change.
Change is an ongoing reality that we are in conversation with, and viewing change as an allostatic process can shift our mindset and approach.
Setting accurate expectations based on values and embracing a diversified sense of self can enhance resilience and prevent crisis during periods of change.
Deep dives
Adapting to Change and Finding New Order
Brad Stolberg emphasizes the importance of adapting to change and finding new order. Rather than going back to the way things were, he encourages having an adaptable sense of identity and not clinging too tightly to one's sense of self. He also highlights the value of exploring new skills and interests and choosing to respond rather than react. Stolberg believes that diversifying your sense of self, having multiple rooms in your identity house, can make you more resilient to change. He emphasizes the importance of setting accurate expectations, setting high expectations for things aligned with your values, and lower expectations for external outcomes. Additionally, he shares the significance of core values in navigating challenges, guiding decision-making, and creating stability in the face of change. Stolberg acknowledges the potential for reactive behavior, particularly in stressful situations, and encourages individuals to respond from their values instead.
Shifting Mindsets from Homeostasis to Allostasis
Stolberg discusses the shift from viewing change as a pattern of order-disorder-order to a pattern of order-disorder-reorder. He highlights the realization that change is not something that happens to us but something we are in conversation with. Stolberg explains the concept of homeostasis, which describes change as a pattern of returning to order. He contrasts this with allostasis, which recognizes that stability is reached in new order. He emphasizes the importance of understanding that change is an ongoing reality and suggests that viewing change as an allostatic process can help shift our mindset and approach. Stolberg highlights the wisdom in accepting impermanence and seeing change as an opportunity for growth and adaptation.
Setting Appropriate Expectations
Stolberg explores the impact of unrealistic expectations on our lives and the importance of setting appropriate expectations. He shares personal examples of unrealistic expectations, such as expecting more time in the day or maintaining a certain routine with the arrival of a new child. Stolberg highlights the potential consequences of holding on to these unrealistic expectations, including feelings of resentment and judgment. He advises setting accurate expectations based on values and erring on the side of conservative or lower expectations for external outcomes. Stolberg also emphasizes the value of environmental design in facilitating behaviors aligned with our expectations and values.
Diversifying Identity for Resilience
Stolberg explains the significance of diversifying one's sense of self and having multiple components to one's identity. He shares the analogy of an identity house, with each room representing different aspects of our lives. Stolberg highlights the importance of differentiation (having multiple components) and integration (how the components fit together) in creating a flexible and resilient identity. He emphasizes the benefits of having multiple rooms in our identity house, allowing us to navigate cycles of order-disorder-reorder more effectively. Stolberg discusses how having a diverse sense of identity can prevent crisis when a single pursuit or identity falters. He encourages individuals to embrace multiple values and interests while finding a balance between striving for goals and enjoying the process.
Moving from Reacting to Responding
Stolberg explores the difference between reacting and responding, highlighting the significance of values in guiding our actions. He shares personal examples of reacting in stressful morning situations, such as rushing children and feeling regret later. Stolberg emphasizes the importance of values as a foundation for responding in a more skillful and grounded manner. He encourages individuals to reflect on circumstances that trigger reactions and identify conditions that predispose them to react. Stolberg suggests that values provide stability amidst uncertainty and can help us find centeredness and stability in our lives. By aligning our actions with our values, we can navigate change more effectively and make decisions that are in line with our true selves.
One of our biggest challenges in life is adapting to change. Brad Stulberg, author of the book Master of Change, believes we need to “Be in conversation with change instead of it happening to you. Set appropriate expectations and adjust them when necessary. Cultivate a rugged yet flexible sense of self.” In this episode, Diana and Brad explore how we can thrive amidst change by developing a more fluid sense of self and a stronger connection to our core values.
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